Stevie Wonder never got to choose the artwork on his albums.
Links go purple after you visit them because blue and “read” make purple.
Half of 8 is 3.
Cinderella must have had some fucked up feet if her slipper didn’t fit anyone else’s foot in town.
Seasonal allergies are your body telling you that it is uncomfortable with plants having sex near you.
The internet has turned death from a point at which your presence vanishes to a point at which your presence is frozen in time.
There’s probably a piece of art, music or literature that would be absolutely perfect to my tastes that I will never experience
In sign language, instead of clapping to applaud, they wave. But they can still see people clapping? Was there any need to alter the way people applaud?
If we used mint for our lawns mowing would be the best smelling event on earth.
When a teacher has kids they are increasing their work hours to 24/7.
Every single man has had his penis inside his mom’s vagina.
The fact that Hitler is still relevant, means we haven’t invented time travel in the future yet.
The reason why roller coasters are so fun is because you can feel the fear of almost dying with a guarantee that you won’t.
Marijuana is the steroid of the food competition league.
We rescue homeless animals and shun homeless people.
My dog won’t fetch balls, only rocks. Now I get excited when I spot a good rock for her, even if she’s not w/ me. My dog has been training me to fetch all along…
“I’ve waited my whole life for this” & “Everything has lead up to this moment” apply to each and everything you do. Even the most mundane tasks are the culmination of your entire life.
Some identical twins probably have switched their names multiple times. Because parents lost track.
Realistically, even the most secular, rationalist, skeptical person would be afraid to spend a night alone in an abandoned mental institution.
there should be a skype “room” where people could video conference in, and drink together. it’d be like hanging out at a bar, but really you’re drinking alone at your house.
Have two pedophiles ever groomed each other online only to realize when they met up?