I have full conversations with myself about hypothetical situations that usually won’t happen.
Does anyone else get random pains in virtually every part of the body? My arm will suddenly hurt for a few seconds, 2 days later my balls are in terrible pain for like 3 short seconds and then gone. This has pretty much been going on as long as I remember.
I’m constantly worrying that other people are judging me based on totally innocuous things.
People in restaurants are looking down on me for eating alone. Runners are looking down on me for walking. The people behind me in line hate me for taking to long to put away my change. My waiter is judging me for having a complicated order.
The list goes on and on.
Eye contact. Do I make too much or too little? If one of my classmates/ friends comes by to talk to me while I work is it okay to just chat without eye contact or very little? Also, what if I’m cross-eyed or have a lazy eye and no one wants to tell me?
Every little aspect of my life I over analyze. Its normal to me now, but when I think about (like right now) It starts to bug me.
The other day I had three hard boiled eggs I wanted to eat. I sat there trying to decide which to eat first. Sigh.
Do other people rehearse their orders at restaurants? Even if I’m just in the cafeteria and i have to choose which food I want, I’ll stop all of my conversation from the few seconds leading up to the order until I’m safely away from whomever is serving me. I also go over my ‘lines’ in my head whenever I think I may have to speak to a random stranger. Is this normal?
Is my breath supposed to smell bad in the morning?
My fellow lady friend says she shaves her ju-ha on the daily! HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!! If I shave mine I have to wait a good 3 days before even thinking about re-shaving because of the razor burn.
tl;dr My vagina is angry and stubbly
When meeting anyone 1-on-1 for the first time, I run a marathon race in my head of things to say to keep the conversation flowing. At the same time, I secretly wish someone else would show up to share the burden.
Complete opposite here, my brain shuts down completely and I can’t think of a single thing to say…. Bring on the awkward silence.
Just simply talking. Do other people think my voice sounds stupid? Too high-pitched? Voice cracks? Awkwardly deep voice? It’s especially worse when I listen to myself on video. It’s a cringe-fest. I’m usually fine/don’t notice but someone points something out or I notice something and suddenly it’s the only thing I can think of and I don’t want to converse with anyone anymore.
My internal train of thought. My mind usually wanders to a million different places…then, when I think about thinking, I get a little uneasy as there are two different ‘layers of thoughts’ going on. One which is the normal one and the second which is analyzing the first.
Not sure I phrased this in a way that completely makes sense..
Shaving. How the fuck do other ladies shave their knees? I think I missed that lesson in Welcome to Womanhood 102…
What about the back of the thigh? That place is weird.
When people say “Say hi to so and so for me.” I never fucking do it.
Dance. Or any like dance-y workout thing. I did one at the gym and the lady kept grimacing at me like it was paining her to watch me “dance”.
I hope my chew noise is normal. Too slurpy? Too smacky? Who knows?
Someone else’s: I know of a blind guy who plays the guitar with his left hand over the fretboard, rather than under it. Because he picked up a guitar one day and started learning to play and it was a year before anyone had the fucking sense to tell him he was doing it wrong.
Mine: Sleep. Honest to god. It takes me 30 minutes. I have to try 5 different positions. I can’t sleep on my back. I usually eventually fall asleep face down, on my stomach, with my head under the pillow.
The size of my poops. I was told by a doctor friend that your poop should be, on average, the size of a peeled banana. Mine are normally the length of my arm (not circumference guys, just the length).
Female truck driver here. Over the past year I had to figure this one out myself when there were no restrooms to be found. A lot of big cities, ESPECIALLY New York, will not have convenient bathrooms. I found a funnel to be too awkward for me. So here is how I do it:
Biggest tip I have is to save the extra large soda cups from fast food paces. The plastic ones that are pretty flexible. Place the cup between your legs with the back lip of the cup pressing firmly against where your outer vaginal lips end. If it’s too far back, the urine will travel along that built in path and you’ll end up pissing on yourself. The idea is to ‘cut off’ the path for this to happen. Don’t hurt yourself though. Some of those cups are cheap and could very well cut you. And that is a bad place for a paper cut. Once you’re in position as I have described, go ahead and urinate, but start slowly as best you can to make sure you’re not leaking anywhere. It’s very handy to have a napkin or paper towel or a piece of cloth you wouldn’t mind sacrificing (it’s for a good cause) within reach so when you’re finished you can clean off the dribbles that are all but inevitable in such situations.
Unless you’re figure out how to piss straight into a bottle. I haven’t.
Now onto the topic of disposing. If you’re in a place where there is no one around, just throw that piss onto the ground or wherever you feel comfortable doing so. However, if you are in a very public place and need to dispose of pee, you have a few options.
If you’ve planned ahead for this kind of thing, have a small funnel and an empty container on hand. On the truck, I keep empty gallon water jugs for this purpose. Use the funnel to empty the cup into the jug and hid away until an opportune moment arrives to discretely throw it away.
If you’ve used the empty soda cup and have happened to have kept the top, you can usually find a trashcan easily enough to toss it and no one will be the wiser. But don’t go into an establishment to throw it away. Not only will it make their trash cans smell like piss, but then whoever is unfortunate enough to have to change that can that day will hate you for the rest of their lives. It’s rude and nasty. Don’t do it.
Talk to myself, usually to reassure myself when something bad happens. Like I’ll say “Oh fuck, that just happened.. oh shit.. calm down, it’s okay, don’t worry… you’re fine!” For some reason it just makes everything so much better.
In the shower, I face away. I feel like the water envelopes your whole body better that way. When I try facing the shower I feel like my front is nice and toasty, but my back is like a frozen tundra.
I hear and see thoughts. I can’t multitask for shit, and that’s always amazed me that people can do that. I’m a pretty smart person, but if I’m watching a video and someone starts talking to me, I will stop fully understanding both of those things.
Sometimes when I listen to music (especially Rap and Rock/Metal etc), I like to think about a scenario in my head where I perform the songs live on a big stage with people I know as listeners. I supprise them by my awesome sing/rap skills and I’m just a fucking badass in these moments.
Sometimes when im cooking i talk to myself like gollum/smeagol “yess, lets have some spice on this precious! we wouldn’t wants it to be booring! ooh no.”
I find myself wondering upon occasion if I don’t feel it the way other people do.
Do other people imagine like totally awesome scenarios in their head when their walking in public?
Like what if a massive spy hunt just happened in front of me or something like that?
I always hold my dick when I am taking a poop, too many times it has touched the bowl! I find it normal now but if someone were to walk in on me I feel like I would be doing something out if the ordinary.
On unhealthy days, I’ll alternate between cheezits and oreos to amplify the sweet/salty flavors of both.
The calorie count is probably higher than a freshman at a kid cudi concert, but it’s so good.
For females with medium to long hair: Do you pull strands of hair out of your butthole sometimes? Mostly in the shower. It’s such a strange sensation, but I kind of like it. I think it only happens to me because I’ve never seen anyone talk about it, not even on reddit.
As a guy, the first time you go to wipe and one of your girlfriend’s hairs is not only in your ass, but also wrapped around your balls is a very startling experience.