The Advantages Of Being Disabled

Now don’t get me wrong, it sucks being classified as disabled. As soon the ‘d’ word is mentioned, people act differently. They can assume carer-like tendencies and profusely apologise just because they have a faster natural walk than you do. But it’s not all bad. As someone who is classified as disabled, I do believe that disabled people have more perks than they’re sometimes willing to own up to.

Always somewhere to park

I mean, seriously, the last time I didn’t have anywhere to park was… Never. Sometimes at the local market when all the traders vans are in the way, it can be pretty squishy, but even then that’s rarely a problem. It is also a brilliant feeling to see somebody ‘healthy’ parked in a disabled bay and ensure they witness you hauling out your wheelchair from the back of the car.

More friends

Doctors are never on time, so who else do you talk while you whittle away the time before you finally get to talk about how your problems haven’t improved or worsened? (At least not since the last time you were made to wait an hour longer for the exact same reason.) It’s a great way to bond with fellow patients, and comparing the mobility of your joints with other people really is a more fun pastime than it sounds.

No P.E.

Maybe it’s just my body generally hating the idea of having to do something with itself, but P.E. (on the rare occasions I participated) was hell. Being disabled is a one way ticket out of P.E. … for the entirety of school life. Goodbye winter mornings running around in shorts while the ground is frosted over. Goodbye red, sweaty face, as the high school jock (also every girls dream man) laps you for the third time in twenty minutes.

Queue jump at theme parks

It depends which ones really, Disney World doesn’t stand for a whole lot of crap, what with so many disabled kids being sent there as a trip of a lifetime, but generally as long as you rock up in a wheelchair you get to queue jump most rides. Only con is constantly sitting at the back, but I’d take that any day over waiting two hours for a thirty second ride.

Guaranteed a seat on buses

It’s rush hour, the bus is rammed, most normal people’s faces are in the armpit of the super tall person next to you. Yet unless it’s a bus full of cripples, disabled people are practically guaranteed a seat, normally without even asking.

Constant personal space

This one only really applies to those times when you’re confined to your wheelchair, otherwise people are just as pushy as always. But when you’re in that chair, even in a crowded shopping area or a concert, you have your own seat with a decent amount of personal space. No idiots stepping on your feet, no brainless men groping a feel as they pass, ‘cos your bottom area is firmly seated at all times, thank you very much.

Seriously though, don’t get me started on the cons. We are not afraid to run over your toes when you attempt to remind us how shit our lives actually are.