Uncertainty often gets the best of me because planning is my comfort zone. I crave a semblance of control over time, and I find solace in having an agenda.
I feel confident while coloring within the lines I’ve drawn. So when the big picture itself starts to change, and those lines lose their meaning, I freeze and question everything.
Yet, this morning, I found myself reflecting on the times my life didn’t go as planned, and the joy and the magic and the splendor I found in the change of course that followed.
I didn’t plan on being single as I approach thirty — but it led to me recognizing my worth and growing into who I was meant to be on my own terms.
I didn’t plan getting laid off last year — but it led me to start my own business.
I didn’t plan on moving to Florida this year — but it led me to more time with old friends and with my family than I’ve had in seven years.
I didn’t plan on any of my breakups — but one of them led me to discover spirituality, which became a cornerstone of my life and healing journey.
I didn’t plan on becoming an entrepreneur — but it turns out everything I’ve ever done has led me to this freedom and expansion.
I didn’t plan for the person I’ve become, and she is so different from who I thought she’d be — but damn, am I glad for everything that led me to become her.
I didn’t plan for the friendships, the deep connections, the spontaneous moments, the surprise invitations, the downpours, and the detours that have made up my life.
But I am grateful for them beyond measure, and I don’t think my planning could’ve done it better.
In this reflection, I realize that all we can plan for in right now is intentions. And today? I intend to be grateful for the cancelations, the change of plans, the roadblocks, and even the uncertainty.
I’m grateful for where each one has led me. Because even though I feel out of control and lost in the unknown, there’s a tender part of me that trusts this is all leading to something bigger than I can plan for.
What about you? What divergence in your life has brought a resurgence of joy?