What are you carrying around with you?
For me, it feels like even though vacations are canceled, I’ve been carrying around a lot of baggage with me. What’s more is that I have been avoiding unpacking.
I preach and preach about feeling your feelings, but the truth is, I have been avoiding my own. I am so focused on what’s ahead of me that I ignore the heavy suitcase on my heart.
I know that before I take flight, I have to check-in. I know that before I travel to my dreams, I have to declutter my fears. I know that before I move forward, I have to stand still.
At this moment, I am carrying doubt, confusion, pain, anger, resentment, disappointment, hope, faith, imagination, hesitation, curiosity, confidence, and a dash of love.
It feels weird to carry around contradictory emotions; it’s as if I was unconsciously packing for both winter and summer or accidentally traveling to the wrong city.
And I know the longer I wait, the more I’ll put in my suitcase. It’s like I’m collecting souvenirs from every stressful day or hoarding my anxieties in the same place as my dreams.
I know that to reconnect to who I am, I have to unpack what I feel.
I have to face what scares me to get the chance to handpick what I hold onto. I have to acknowledge the dark to keep the light. And I have to let go to let anything in.
I have to see the shadow to embrace the whole person that I am, and then maybe the weight is replaced with space and the suitcase goes away entirely.
Maybe I am procrastinating because I am seeking a safe space to settle into. But maybe if I unpack what I am feeling, I will find a home within myself, no matter where I am traveling.
What about you? What feelings are your carrying?