If only you knew how good you have it now. All those helpless tears and all the hours you’ve spent pining, will be hours you’ll wish you could get back. So stop wasting anything. You’ll understand one day. Not only will you understand — you’ll be grateful. You’ll marvel at how fate could get you to where you are now. Sure, in the moment, you reason it’s the cruelest thing you’ll ever go through, but I am here to tell you that with time, you won’t even remember the cruel times as being anything more than worth it.
I remember all the times I went out with my friends, the uncanny dates I was set up on, and the milestones I achieved by persevering. Mostly, I remember a certain moment that made no past pain relevant or notable. This moment brought me so much bliss that I couldn’t physically waste time remembering sorrow. I don’t remember the empty wine bottles and jars of ice cream — I couldn’t recall the flavor if I tried. But I remember the stitch on his collar that was out place in the moment that changed everything.
I remember the trips I took, the friends I made, and the stories that began past midnight. But I don’t remember the pain. Why? Because pain doesn’t last forever, my dear. Trust me. When you realize that, all along, you’ve been on the path that got you to where you are now, you’ll be thanking God for the other heartbreaks and rejoicing that your heart was left unclaimed until now.
Because I can’t tell you how many nights you didn’t sleep from crying, but I can tell you how many nights I didn’t sleep because life was better than dreaming. I don’t remember venting to friends, obsessively calling or complaining to anyone with an ear. I remember my friends, smiling and holding lilacs on my wedding day. I remember the time he called just to say “I love you” after barely leaving for work and I remember listening to anyone with a voice.
So these days, dear, they seem so dark and sullen. But what will you have to remember? Don’t prescribe yourself an empty past – because I guarantee that you have a full future. I can’t count the tissues or the tears for that one heartache, but I can count the boxes of tissues I went through when she first went to preschool and let go of my hand to make friends.
I know you’re in pain now, but I promise more than “it gets better.” No, it gets positively magical. You smile for no reason. You laugh without a care. You solve a fight with a simple hug. You raise a family. You leave a legacy. You accomplish your dreams while making new ones. And with friends all you share are happy thoughts and Cabernet.
But mostly, you love. You love eternally and gracefully. It isn’t forced. It isn’t hard, but it certainly is not easy. It just… is. A no brainer; as if loving so fiercely is second nature and nothing else mattered until now. And that’s what I’m trying to tell you… without spoiling the travels to come.
You have no idea what kind of ride is in store for you. Have a drink. Go dance. Flirt. Shamelessly. You never know who will be watching you as you tilt your head back and laugh like you’ll never be able to stop. Sleep peacefully. Your dreams are so close, you can almost taste them when you wake up — if you only knew to try.
You won’t remember the epic fall you feel you’ll never rise from. But you will remember the fall that makes you reanalyze life completely when you find true love.
And so I sit aged, content, with his eyes staring lovingly at me from across the kitchen table. He’s smirking with a hint of doting sarcasm while he hands me my favorite breakfast. This is what matters now. The only thing that ever mattered is how I got to this moment, here, with withering hands that still fit like a glove. But oh, the worlds we have seen with these hands interlaced, the children we’ve watched grow and the lives that we’ve kept. Every time he says “I love you,” I still feel a butterfly in my throat and a singing in my heart. This is it, this was always meant to be it.
Holding hands across the kitchen table with a full life behind me — this is what I know. So live. You’ll be here eventually, but not too soon. And you’ll know why you are there now, but you wont remember a ping of pain. All you will remember is the joy of pure love, the epic road you traveled together and the eternity in your embrace.