45 Stages of Flying Every Girl Knows To Be True

1. Chargers, laptop, wallet, phone, passport, keys. Okay I got this, let’s do this!

2. Annnnd this bag is really heavy. I wonder if hauling this around the whole day counts as a workout.

3. Wait where’s my passport?

4. Okay just kidding it’s right here.

5. Did I pack underwear?

6. Shit the taxi’s outside already.

7. “ONE SECOND I’LL BE RIGHT OUT” Blow your horn one more time, I dare you.

8. “Where to?” “Airport please! SHIT HOLD ON I FORGOT MY HEADPHONES!”

9. Please let this ride be less than $40, that’s all I took out the ATM this morning.

10. “That’s $39.65 please.” THANK YOU GODS. I owe you one.

11. Okay, now what?

12. Of course the check-in line I need is the longest. Great. So glad I updated my music playlist last night.

13. That’s it, I’m checking-in online next time. Look at that beautiful non-existing “Back Drop-off” line.

14. “May I see your passport please?” Sh*t, where’s my passport?

15. “Ms., I regret to inform you your bag is 0.000001 grams overweight. I’m afraid you’ll have to pay an excess baggage fee.” Fuck me.

16. Fine, charge me $10, not like I needed them anyway.

17. Thank Goddddd I finally got rid of that bag.

18. Note to self: do not leave boarding pass on McDonalds food tray this time.

19. Oh the joys of airport security.

20. “Boarding pass and passport please.” Oh sh*t where’s my passport?

21. “Any other liquids or electronics?” “Don’t think so..” But with my luck there probably is.

22. To look hideous in blue plastic feet bags or to sacrifice my socks, that is the real question.

23. Must. Grab. All. Belongings. Out. Of. Tray. Before. Everyone. Hates. Me.

24. Screw this, tied shoelaces are overrated anyway.

25. I’d like to personally thank the human that invented this moving walkway thing that let’s me walk at super human speed. Ha! Look at all you slow walking peasants.

26. Seriously? You’re already lining up at the gate? THE GATE ONLY OPENS IN 30 MINUTES PEOPLE.

27. Oooh cute guy at 2 o’clock. Too bad I decided to wear sweats and put on zero make-up. Hope he doesn’t notice me. I promise I usually look decent, cute stranger, I promise.

28. Window seat, hell yes.

29. No one’s sitting next to me? F*ck yes. This is better than business class.

30. “Excuse me, I think you’re in my seat…” “No, I’m in seat 13B- oh.”

31. Of course my actual seat is next to the smelliest person on this plane. I’d offer him some of my deo but I doubt he’ll want to smell like “Passion Fruit Kiss”.

32. Gotta make sure I locate the nearest exit, just in case.

33. Aaaaand it’s official: this heavy-ass, flying metal blob with wings is officially off the ground. Seriously, this has to defy some sort of law of gravity.

34. Time to put on some emotional music and stare off at the clouds.

35. OMG it’s beautiful. I have to Instagram this. #Blessed

36. HOLY CRAP WE’RE GONNA DIE.

37. False alarm, just turbulence.

38. Okay we’re about to land. Do I make a run for it or wait for everyone to get off?

39. Whatever, I’ll wait it out, they’ll take forever to get the bags on the belt anyway.

40. Hey, I made it. Maybe I’m a responsible adult after all.

41. Sh*t, where’s my passport?

42. Oh, here comes my bag…

43. Annnnnd that’s not mine. No need to give me the stinky eye lady, honest mistake. Take your precious bag.

44. To the exit!

45. Beware beautiful citizens of this foreign land, I have arrived.