This Is How You Find Self-Worth In The Wake Of Rejection

woman standing looking thoughtful
Sam Manns

After a painful rejection or the failure of a relationship, everyone usually tells you the same old lines: “you deserve better,” “their loss,” “you’re better off without them,” and so forth. But for as well meaning as these statements are, they don’t cut to the root of the issue, to the heart of the matter, which is what you believe about yourself.

No matter how many things you have going for you, how put together your life is, or how much you brought to the table, when you’re left, rejected, overlooked or tossed aside like old news, you begin to doubt whether you’re really as worthy as they all say. You begin to question your value, your beauty, your talents, your love. You begin to ask yourself if you really were enough, and if you were, then why did they leave? If you had it all, then why did they walk away?

The first sting is always the leaving, the second when you find that someone else has taken your place. You may even begin to believe you weren’t even important in the first place, that you were replaceable like all the rest. A number, a mark, a distraction to pass the time, a diversion at best. You may see your old fling making efforts with someone new that he or she never did with you. You may find that jealousy rises in your heart and then falls in disappointment; why weren’t you worth the effort? Why weren’t you worth the chasing? The risk?

And sometimes, the answer lies entirely outside of you. Sometimes there’s just no reason to explain the rhyme. Sometimes, no matter how amazing you are that person was just never able to see it. They were just never truly aware of what a catch you truly were, and foolishly kept on fishing.

And maybe there is some truth to the words of your friends. Maybe you were too good. Maybe you are better off without them. Maybe it truly is their loss. Maybe rejection was God’s protection and maybe you had to experience being misvalued so that you could one day recognize the vast difference when you actually are seen for what and who you are––a prized gem. When someone actually makes effort, is happy to see you and parade you around their friends, who isn’t afraid to announce to the world that your affections rest on them and theirs on you. Maybe rejection is only a re-routing, a turning you away from a dead-end and toward a better path.

Still, the sting of rejection might be fresh on your skin. Still, the doubts may rise when you look in the mirror. But beloved, do your best to believe, deep down in the core of who you are, that you are worthy of all the love that person couldn’t give––and more. You are worthy, valuable, a treasure to the one who will one day be able to behold and appreciate you for all you are.

So maybe there is truth to the sayings that fall short of soothing the wound. Maybe they never knew what they had. But don’t let their shortsightedness keep you from seeing the truth staring back at you; that you are beautiful, strong, a gem, and one-in-a-million. Don’t let their blindness blind you from seeing what has always been there and what everyone else around you sees and points out.

Dig deep down and remember, you are worthy, and let this be an opportunity to stand firm and unwavering in your convictions. Instead of getting bitter, instead of questioning, instead of second-guessing and looking back, look instead at how you might actually be better off, how you were better even before they walked into your life. Hold your head up high and walk with a sure stride, declaring confidently with each strong step just how much you have to offer to the world. Be the person who caught their eye in the first place, the person who others admire and marvel at, the person who isn’t changed by someone else’s opinion or actions.

Because your worth never hung on who they saw you to be. Your worth was never made any more valuable by their attention or affections. Your worth never was meant to rest on the estimation of another. Your worth has been fixed from the start, and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do or say that will make you any less worthy.

And even in the hurt and hardship of finding yourself shuffled from your prior standing, removed from the place you once stood in someone else’s life, remember that you still stand tall on two strong feet, and though you fall you always land. So brush the dirt, the pain, the lies that say you weren’t or aren’t enough off your shoulder and hold your head high and remember; rejection will never make you any less. If anything, it will bring you so much more. Because your worth was never removed once they walked away. Your worth will always remain and you, beloved, are worthy. TC mark

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