“What is it? What’s wrong? Tell me” you said, frustration evident in your voice.
I just looked at you but didn’t say anything. You looked at me, your eyes pleading me to say something. Anything.
Then you said those three words that terrified the hell out of me.
“I love you” you whispered, exhaling quietly still staring at me. I looked at you blankly, shocked and frozen in place. Then you closed your eyes and leaned your forehead against mine.
I couldn’t blink. I studied your oh-so-close face and gently stroked it with my finger. You inhaled and forced your eyes to stay shut. I can see those long thick eyes lashes that tickle my cheek every time you kiss me. You suddenly wrapped your arms around me tightly and you rested your head on tops of mine. It’s damp now. Are you crying? I can feel you quiver and a silent sob escaped your lips. Oh, those beautiful lips curve when you found something amusing and those dimples that appear on your cheeks as you flash a smile into my direction. Why are you crying? Is it because of me? I knew the answer to my question. It was always because of me.
What did I do to deserve him?
“I love you,” you said again but it was different. It wasn’t hanging in the air, waiting patiently to be snatched away and tucked into someone’s pocket. This time you decided. You were sure. You resolved your inner turmoil and said it, knowing exactly how I’d react to situations like this. You know how I don’t like to deal with messy stuff.
You know how much I avoided emotional entanglements but said it anyway, risking everything.
I can see you now with brand new eyes.
Gone was the stirring feeling I get in my gut every time I hear those words uttered out loud. I see the person that loved me despite everything I have done. The person who accepted me for who I was and forgave me for the faults I made. The person that understood me even when I cannot understand myself and the person that loved me even when I was impossible to love.
And I realized, there is no point in denying it. I was in love with you the first time I saw you. I saw your strength as well as your weaknesses and it made me love you more. Your undying compassion and patience inspired me to be a better person. I tried pushing you away, saying that you should just leave because you deserve someone far better than me. But you remained by my side and helped me with everything, silently proving to me that I was worth it without promises being made.
How could I not love the person who asked for nothing more than what I was willing to give?
I consider myself lucky because you found something in me that’s worth fighting for, even when I cannot see it myself. I am lucky to love you. I am lucky to be in love with you and I’m done denying it.
“I love you too” I murmured quietly and your eyes instantly opened, meeting mine. And those lips that I love curved into a weak smile. I smiled back because you knew, you knew that I love you, even when I never had the guts to utter the words.