The new-age dating world is not for women. It was never created for women and it certainly does not work in our favor. As a recently single woman, I have found myself once again in the deep dark world of new-age dating, and I can honestly say that it is an unnecessary rollercoaster of sorts. There are high points because it is intriguing and you get to explore certain things that you obviously couldn’t whilst in a relationship, such as sexual freedoms. But then it has its awful points like having to deal with ‘fuckboys’ and their tendencies to be manipulative creatures who could care less for our hearts.
I think new-age dating is especially difficult for women, because we are almost forced to deny our intrinsic nature, as a mode of survival.
Women are naturally loving, emotional, affectionate and easily attached human beings, but it seems that we have to deny that reality to accommodate the distorted contemporary forms of relationships (hook ups actually) that we engage in.
We have to reject our feelings and lie to ourselves about how we are not hurt by the fact that the man we are casually dating is sleeping with a myriad of other women, and probably whispering the same sweet nothings to her as he does to us. We mask our disappointment when he says that he will call and does not. Or when his actions make us feel like a booty-call. We’ve been lying to ourselves for so long that we have denied ourselves solid truths. We want love yet we behave paradoxically when we accept toxic hook-up situations. The dating game just does not work for us.
I get that we don’t always want our hook ups to develop into something more, but what we do want – which we should stop rejecting as the truth – is decency and respect from our hook ups. Respect me enough to call when you say you will; to not sleep with women that run in the same social circle; to acknowledge me in public as you do in private; to not use me for your personal gain. It seems that many men think the respect factor flies out the window when you are just hooking up, because hey, you are just hooking up! And I mean, I sort of get it, you don’t want to give someone who is not your girlfriend, ‘girlfriend treatment.’ However, a woman does not have to be your girlfriend for you as a man to treat her like a human being, respect her and be considerate of her feelings. It does not make you less of a man to treat your hook up decently in that regard.
At this point in my life, I am not looking for anything serious; a hook up is fine for me. But that hook up must meet the expectations that I have.
And to put it simply, I expect respect and I will not tolerate anything other than that. I cannot settle for this new-age dating scene that has consented to the disrespect that seemingly comes along with hooking up. And that for me remains one of my biggest challenges while in this dating game.
In the long run, the new-age dating scene could only have detrimental effects. Prolonged years of masking built up insecurities could only spell a recipe for disaster.
Nothing in this world is more dangerous than not being self-aware, and how can one be self-aware if you continuously lie to yourselves and deny yourselves the right to be you, openly and unashamedly? As women, we often fall prey to defining ourselves through someone else, and in doing so we lose our self-awareness and identities. Now imagine being in a situationship, wherein the man is setting the pace for the dynamic. The woman would in essence be defining herself through this man, as she denies herself of what she truly wants. As women, losing our sense of identity and self-awareness is especially problematic because then we forget how truly powerful we are. We forget our true worth and deceive ourselves that disempowering situationships are actually empowering.
And that’s simply not okay.