Let me start by saying that I’m sorry. I am sorry that you feel broken without him. I am sorry that he hurt you and left you with all these memories and feelings that you no longer know what to do with. But let me tell you that “closure” is not something he can give you. You could ask a million questions and he could provide you with all of the answers, but you will still not feel settled.
Nothing he did to you, is out of spite. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Someone once loved him the same way he loved you. And that someone broke him down and made him think that love is leaving someone behind. They made him think that love is temporary and fragile. So, he now turns around and treats others the only way he knows how.
It is a vicious cycle of displaced trust and nights filled with tears. And right now, you may not think that it is possible to feel sorry for someone who ripped what you thought was true happiness out of your life. Although I promise you, no matter how long it takes, someday you will get out of bed and not think of him. You will go to work or school or on a walk and you will not wish he was standing there right beside you. You will go the entire day or week or month not thinking of him.
And then suddenly, you will feel sorry for him that he only knew how to hurt, not heal.
You will be able to talk to him without a fire burning inside of you. You will tell him all of your thoughts. About how you are unsure of who left deep scars or that taught him to treat you so horribly but that you are sorry. You will tell him that with all of your soul you hope one day he is loved and treated the way he deserves. And the last thing you’ll tell him is that you hope on that day he is reminded of all the hearts he stepped on along the way.