I hope you read this; and when you do, I hope you know that it is about you. I hope you read every word in disbelief that you were ever this horrendous to a girl who just wanted to love you.
The first time you called me fat we were lying in bed. Wrapped up in your arms and a green blanket, I did not allow myself to believe what I was hearing. But then you grabbed my thighs and laughed when your hand would not fit around them, laughed when you saw my stretch marks. Most girls would have walked out, but I went on a diet.
The first time I heard you were telling people about our relationship and how “meaningless” it was to you I was at a party. I shook it off as if it meant nothing to me too but I grabbed a red solo cup to fill the void. Then when you took me home, you talked about how you were in love with another girl and I was her placeholder.
The first time you accused me of being a mean person I was just trying to ask if I was the only one. You told me that there would always be competition and somehow made me feel as if I were even lucky to get a moment alone with you.
The first time you stopped talking to me for weeks was after I admitted a fault and you could not find it in your heart to forgive me. Instead I ended up apologizing and hating myself to the point where I walked on egg shells for you to achieve my own flawlessness that you made me believe I should have.
Several months after our relationship had ended I was told by a friend that you were telling everyone you know that I was a slut.
I have to ask how you so easily look at others with such hatred, yet walk so tall as if you do not carry the sadness of everyone you left behind.
There is nothing I can do to fix you.
There is nothing I can say to make you look at me differently and frankly I do not know if I want to try. I do not know if I want to forgive you for what you have done to me.
Through the nights of crying and the days of walking past you with my head down and my stomach sucked in, I have learned a lesson that will get me through the hardest of times.
There are more of you out there.
There are more people out there who will always dislike me.
Because I am not for everyone.
I could be a vision of perfection and someone like you would still hate me.
I cannot fix myself to please others. I will not change my mind or my body based on your criticism.
I was not created to make you happy.
So, go ahead, read this and laugh thinking that you are a better person than any truth I have written down. Or you can look at this and change who you are and how you love.