To The Person I Love: I’m Setting You Free

To the person I love, it’s time I set you free.

I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done to you, experiences that you should have never gone through. You didn’t deserve any of it.

I’ve realized that while yes, I do love you, love is more than just wanting to be with someone; it’s about caring about another person’s happiness more than your own. Which is why I’m setting you free, and I’ll hope you’ll be happy. I only want the best for you, even if it’s not with me, and I’m totally okay with that. Your happiness doesn’t need to be tied to mine, because you’re allowed to be happy with whoever you choose. That’s the beauty of love — the freedom to let your heart wander and find its home.

I understand I’m not what you’re looking for, and I’ve accepted that it’s not due to my faults, and that there’s nothing wrong with me. But you have your own preferences like any normal human being, and I did not meet them in some ways. You’re not wrong for having high standards, you’ve simply been hurt too many times to lower your walls and let another person in. I’ve also respected the fact that I cannot save you, cannot help you, and I am not that manic pixie dream girl that will have your heart enamoured.

I am not the dream girl you’ve envisioned, and it’s not because I don’t have any good qualities of my own, but I’m just not her. And I will never be her, but I understand you’re still in the process of moving on from someone you loved deeply. She built you into the person you are today, and I am so grateful, because without her, you wouldn’t be who you are. I could never be her, but I guess I’m not planning to, even though I know you are searching for someone similar to her.

I should stop chasing after you. I have realized it is pointless and futile when my love will never be reciprocated. I need to stop trying so hard for you to love me back, and constantly trying to pull you closer when I should be respecting your boundaries and your need for distance. It comes off as needy and clingy, when in reality, I just wanted you to be happy.

We could have been something beautiful, but we were two pieces of a puzzle from different pictures; we inevitability just didn’t click. And there’s nothing wrong about you or me, but it just so happens that fate and destiny weren’t on our side. In some ways, what I wanted from our relationship would have dragged you down. Because I know you, and I understand your lust for life and your thirst for excitement, and I just know deep down, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill those needs.

I’ve also accepted the fact that we’re both too naïve and I’m too young to understand what love is. I’m learning that I can’t constantly leave you with mixed feelings, and I can’t manipulate your emotions into staying with me. I can’t want you to want me when all I’ve done is hurt you.

We need to go separate ways and find our own happiness, away from each other, independent of each other’s lives. For now, I’m going to work on myself and focus on being alone without feeling the need for a relationship or a companion. I’ll learn to feel fulfilled and at peace without someone else in my life or what society labels as a “soulmate.” I’ll dedicate the rest of this time to bettering and preparing myself for the next person that walks into my life. Hopefully by then I’ll have changed and be more emotionally mature for him.

I’m still very sorry for the damage I’ve caused, and even though it breaks my heart to let you go, I need to set you free in order for you to find love and peace. I’ll learn to let you go, because it’s for the best that both of us get the ending we need.

About the author
a pen where a mouth should be. Follow Siobhan on Instagram or read more articles from Siobhan on Thought Catalog.

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