I’m Not Shocked: Sheen’s Sensational Spittle

I can process Charlie Sheen—does this make me crazy? Perhaps prophetic phlegm is coughed out of his crack-coated lungs. It could be that he inhaled egotism-on-ether and then checked into a ready rehab: the celebrity spits truth circuit. While he swears by sobriety, he may have taken one too many swigs of the pink cloud. His 20/20 breakdown dilated the eyes of an American ethos, arousing the entertainment addict within, stimulating the sexual organs of: OMG. Let’s lounge with lenience, I coo to the collective conscious of our culture in crisis. Surely, we’ve all been seduced by insanity before. Charlie Sheen’s recent ramblings climb out of cable TV, as he capitalizes on his wild words by tapping Twitter to join him in shouting out sensationalism to erect Internet ears. More “I’m on a drug: it’s called Charliesheen!” will strut down the sidewalk of Twitter screens and walk the runway of our reason. Charlie: is cushioned commentary what you need, or do you just want fawning followers? The guy’s already gained thousands.

Maybe it’s a self-indulgent sympathy he seeks, or his ego has been ignited by the fame fire, which slowly burns down the wick of his soul, but that’s par for the course for celebrities. Dare we be desensitized by diva behavior–he’s famous, as he says, can’t he act this way? He may be onto something. The insecure idiot-savant might be fussing over his followers who flirt with his dramatic distress. If he is masturbating to the rhythm of re-tweets, this saddens me. But, is it shocking? No. And if you are electrocuted by this entertainer’s descent into the depths of the D-list, it’s only momentary: our country’s collective short-term memory is shit. We’re all stoners smoking that silly stuff which sooths the mentally ill inside, as we vacillate between unabashed egotism and false self-deprecation. Something has got to assuage the acclimation into an unhealthy society and could the acknowledgement that we are sick, do it?

Post-9/11, the public sector was sacred: firefighters and police officers were rightfully revered. Yet, make your way to Madison where 70,000 people are protesting Walker’s cuts on collective bargaining and the chorus cries: when did this happen? America doesn’t like to look back. We are gnawing on the meatless bones of the new, newer, and newest new-story. And Sheen is it. His infidelity and inconsideration for his children’s well-being isn’t crap to commend, yet Sheen is truthful. “I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life I’m tired of being ‘aw shucks. That’s not me. . . what’s wrong with that?” he asks, as wisdom walks off the plank of his thrill-seeking tongue. And while pathetic, it’s a pathetic I can process. It’s America, you forgetful hypocrites: let’s pray he remains sober, but pass the pot. There are dangerous and delusional dictators to worry about—in Libya, it’s about lives, not laughs. Let’s take a “mehment” to meditate on the modern world and her petrified priorities. TC mark

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  • statusandapager

    what the fuck is with the alliteration

    • captaipenishelmet

      wow, what insight into the piece. you should be an editor

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    its good

  • BigOldMunch

    I liked it, and it made good points. I salute good alliteration just like the next guy, but this is just overwhelming and I guarantee some people might have not read this at all. I don't know if it's just to sound good or if you really like typing like that.

    • REI KOZ

      >but this is just overwhelming and I guarantee some people might have not read this at all. I don't know if it's just to sound good or if you really like typing like that.

      WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

      IT IS PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD.

      BTW, I CONCUR WITH THE AUTHOR.

  • http://twitter.com/srslydrew Andrew Farr

    I really liked this. Also, kept picturing the monologue from v for vendetta, amirite.

  • VacuousVerbosity

    Well channeled.

  • ZaneEatsWorld

    gimmicky for the sake of being a gimmick? I have no idea.

  • http://my.staff.get/it jeez

    charlie sheen is the shit right now, not letting the media shame him at all

  • anonymous

    hey author, did you know that you're allowed to write without starting every word with the same sound?

    • guest

      My head was spinning – 'Let's lounge with lenience, I COO' BWAHHH

  • No

    constant annoying alliteration does not a good article make. also i honestly can't even tell what the hell this article is trying to say.

    • Will

      I agree, it is Very grating

    • not to be mean, but

      it is simply annoying to read, i agree

  • anon

    I'm pretty sure Charlie Sheen is just on drugs. no idiot-savant Hollywood svengali-ism involved.

  • come on

    THIS IS NOT NEWS

  • midniteee

    “””mehment?”””

  • LUKE

    know this chick she fuckin brilliant coulda toned down prolly banged it out keep an eye out tho

  • LUKE

    prolly not used to poetics, this site aint about news anyway

  • wanderingpoet

    Its poetic, too high of writing for this site.

  • shoehorn

    damn, haters are kind of right, this is hard to read
    talent here though; there is a way to do this style more readably, or maybe this is already in the sweet spot for audiences which are not me.

  • guest

    Good god. This article is an assault on my auditory awareness; I suggest the editor omits such obnoxious odes in the future.

    • Guest

      Auditory? I wasn't aware you could listen to Thought Catalog articles.

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