I am a ‘Netflix and Chill’ type of girl. I am the girl who you text when you are bored and alone and want someone to put your arm around. I am the girl who goes to your house and knows exactly where the evening is going (heck, that’s why I said yes in the first place). I am the girl who smiles and waves hesitantly to your housemates as we walk past the living room doorway. The one they refer to as “the girl he’s seeing”. The one who will go halvsies on a pizza, and expect to get exactly their half, because fair is fair and I paid too, dang it!
But I am not the girl who needs you. I am not the girl who is hanging onto your every word. I am not the girl who pretends to care about your new FIFA high score or how many pints you had last Saturday. I am not the girl who sits up alone in bed late at night with my makeup still on, hoping to get that message from you asking what I’m up to or how I am doing. In fact, I can go days without seeing you, and that is fine. I have my own life, and so do you. I understand that.
What do I want? I want to be able to go out with my friends when I want and where I want. I want to laugh freely and openly, without caring who is watching. I want to be able to dance my heart out, beer in hand, hair flying, and embrace everything that I feel. I want to be able to flirt with that cute guy in the corner who I caught checking out my butt. Or, I want to be able to spend a whole night totally ignoring guys and gossiping with all of the girls in my life that I love. I want the freedom to be who I am, and not worry about how that looks or the impression that I give.
I want to be able to leave town at the drop of a hat and go somewhere completely new with my best friend. I want to try out that little cafe on the corner with the funny name. I want to sit in a pub at three in the afternoon and laugh with the group of old men who are sitting at the bar. I want to sit in the park with a book for hours, letting the warm sunshine caress my face and hearing the kids on the playground laugh with their parents. I want to sit in my room in the biggest pair of pajamas possible and watch the scariest movie I can think of while eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s by myself. I want to be able to take time to myself when I need it, and the world becomes to much. I want to be me.
I like seeing you. I like getting those texts from you and the warm feeling that they give me. Yes, I’ll admit it, it makes me happy to get them. I like seeing your room in its natural, messy state, and feeling like I am seeing the raw you, no holds barred. I like the way your arm snakes around me as we snuggle into your bed and pick up where we left off on that show we both love. I like the feeling of you kissing the back of my neck while you grind your hips against my back. I like how you sweet you are to me when we are together, and how you share the most random things with me, because you know I might tease you, but I’ll never really judge you. I like how comfortable we are together. I like how none of our friends know exactly what we are to each other, because neither do we. I like how even though you always pay for my taxi home, it is a thoughtful gesture rather than a requirement.
But let me be clear. I don’t need you. I don’t need a text saying “goodnight” from you in order to feel like the world is OK. I won’t wait all night for a message from you, and I won’t go to certain places just because there is a chance I might see you. I won’t always respond to your messages, and I won’t expect you to always respond either. I like spending time with you, and I like that we have the bond only sex can create between two people. But I am not a girl who needs, or wants, anything more from you.
Don’t get me wrong, I love going on adventures and sharing random, sometimes meaningful, thoughts with a person who means the world to me. But I also love going over to your house and knowing that I’m in for a relaxing (and probably sexy) evening with someone who knows just what I like. Because to me, that is fun too. This is me living my life, and I don’t need anyone else to make it complete.