Someday, I’ll tell everyone else that I used to love you. I used to love you deeply and madly, and I lost myself in the process. I got lost in this abyss made by your mixed signals and sweet nothings; that I sunk deep into your “good morning” messages and “sleep well” chats at night; that I already anticipated this would all end but I shrugged it off; that I thought I was ready for the pain but I really wasn’t; that I was your believer from day one until forever.
I used to love you unconditionally so I almost forgot my worth. My friends have seen me tired and worse than ever; that they served as my reminder that I am human and I am worthy; that they figured out on their own when to uplift me, when to give me hope, when to console me, and when to tell me to just let you go.
I used to love you so that meant all the signs were meaningful, even those stupid, trivial ones. Even those that were naturally there. Even those that were literally nonsense. Even those that I was not sure if given by the universe of not.
I used to love you and only you that I already thought of my future with you – how I would propose to you, what our house would look like, how many dogs we would adopt, where we’d settle or if we’d simply travel the world until we get tired of it.
I used to love you so I took all your pain and made them mine – the pain that radiated from you when you told me stories about her; the pain you felt when you almost gave up and felt lost just because she left you for another; the pain that stabbed me when I realized you would literally do anything for the girl who left you shattered; the pain that made me realize that I was not the girl you always cry about.
I used to love you that I tried to move on while loving you. I learned to slowly let go of the tight grasp I had on faith; that I tried to lessen the care I used to only to give to you; that I convinced myself that, someday, you would also realize that I was there for you all along and that you would come back to me, and that I would always welcome you into my life with open arms.
I used to love you and you did not love me back. I guess that’s what the universe meant when it gave out the signs, but I read them the other way around.
I mistakenly fell in love with you when the universe had shouted at me not to.