I Want To Do A ‘Gossip Girl’ Reboot

Okay, so there’s a good reason for wanting to re-boot the CW series that revolutionized the concept of rich kids being bad, and that is how terribly it ended.  When Gossip Girl premiered, the story lines were complex, rich, and no one could fault how beautifully cast and costumed the guilty pleasure drama was.  Then… Chuck jumped sharks.  Jenny nuked fridges.  What once was a diamond in a Tween rough became trite and inexplicably dumb TV.  So… here’s what I’d do if I had patience enough to wait a few years, could deal with Alloy Entertainment, and make the best show that Gossip Girl never was.

Gossip Girl’s identity is revealed at the end of the first episode

That’s my unique spin, folks.  The series starts off following Gossip Girl as a Dexter-esque “killer in the ranks” teen drama, with one of the leads juggling an attempt to be “inside” the elite that s/he is also exposing on-line.  The cat can come out of the bag in like season two or three, and after the fallout a mystery person can take over GG’s mantle.  That way, the hunt for Gossip Girl can be a bit more… thought out?  It would make rooting for the underdog trying to win Manhattan’s modern Daisy Buchanan  more interesting than wondering if class issues can be resolved between party/ fashion montages.

Serena is never anyone’s assistant

It’s fine for Serena to go #dark and binge on drugs and get lost on trains.  It’s acceptable for her to date a TON of losers and make naive mistakes… but to have Serena fucking van der Woodsen in oversized knits trying for four seasons to be a PA or intern or whatever?  No.  Serena’s privilege should land her a job that people actually get pissed about.  I don’t know anyone who would give a shit that a socialite got to be so-and-so’s assistant– that’s sort of a given in the entertainment industry.  My S would actually take advantage of the perks being an It Girl provides, and not just act as a victim of circumstance.

Blair actually becomes Blair Waldorf

So Remember when Blair was like “aww Chuck bb, the only way I can be me is by not being in your shadow,” and ultimately just takes over her mother’s line and just adds a headband to Mommy’s shadow?  I appreciated that bringing Blair back to her high school roots was the way to give that character a complete story, but Blair never sought out to be a tastemaker… she wanted to be an elite New Yorker.  My journey for Blair?  Having her end up as the Headmistress of Constance.  #BallerMove

Serena and Blair don’t have to be so on again/ off again

I love a good World War S and a bickerfest… but I also love the complications that come with two friends having major discrepancies through their shared lives, and being able to work together as a team.  The friendship should evolve instead of them being good friends for like three episodes then Blair getting pissed because Serena gets what she wants without having to work for it.  It’s also a blast watching them work together to take down a bitch, and for a re-boot to avoid being a re-tread, these characters have to be more than the boys they’re fighting over.

Keep up with the Fitzgerald Decadence

Rich kids getting poor is tired.  That’s why there are characters who live in Brooklyn.  Have Nate date some princess from Dubai who has more money than anyone he’s ever known.  Maybe Li’l J actually gets one of her designs produced in a collab with Opening Ceremony, and suffers the tackiness that comes with being nouveau riche.  Honestly, adding new flavor to a show shouldn’t be throwing a new poor character into the Upper East Side every other season.  These socialite kids are supposed to be living a fucked up American dream with little to no repercussions.  Give me them doing drugs (and not getting caught accidentally selling them?), give me constant galas (which the show did actually provide through its run), give me everyone in flawless hair extensions.

Re-envisioning Gossip Girl would be more than just applying band-aids to where the show messed up… There are things I truly loved about the series and want to see expanded and spruced up when it ultimately comes back again.  I just wanna see the non-judging Breakfast Club back together, with an interesting spin that would make the scandalous romp interesting- and I hope worthwhile- to watch.  Shit, I would still re-invite the Vanessa character back onto the show… if only to have her engage in a 3way with whoever the next Hilary Duff is. TC Mark

image – Gossip Girl

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