What do you do when it’s over?
What do you do when you couldn’t make it work? What do you when he is gone? What do you do when you have walked away too? What do you do when you don’t feel that way anymore? What do you do when you don’t feel anything?
It’s okay if it didn’t work, I know you loved him more than yourself, I know you fell head over heels for him and I know he was what meant home for you. But then why didn’t it work out? You might find yourself in the empty dark space, in the gloomy place. In the “I feel nothing zone”. I know you have punished yourself with this. And you held yourself guilty even when you weren’t. You craved for his presence and he didn’t even look at you.
And now, when you still don’t know if you love him or not, because you have tried everything to not love him because all he did was made you feel bad even about loving him. So all you do now is to convince yourself that you don’t love him anymore. But even if you do, it’s okay. Don’t force yourself to figure out things, don’t force yourself to get over him, and don’t force yourself to decide if you have killed that love or has it died, or maybe it’s still there. It’s okay to leave certain things unknown and undecided. I know people miss took you to be weak and vulnerable because all they saw was that you were lost, that you were shattered and broken and damaged.
What they failed to notice was that you did not leave the guy you loved, that you still believed in him and your relationship; that you just didn’t walk away at the first chance but gave it endless chances; that you tried to save what you had. They failed to realize is that you are head strong since you stood by something that you loved even when that was hurting you the most, that you chose stick by something even after knowing that it was destroying you, that you could make a decision and follow it irrespective of it killing you every time.
You were the guarded one, you were the one who protected her heart, you were the one who were the paper doll, the one who had her heart guarded, the one who had the walls around herself, who did not want anyone to break enter them because you did not want your heart to be broken because you did not know what would you do when he would leave, because we were afraid to love. But now since he had broken them, since he had entered that, he had touched your soul, it must have been beautiful, it is still beautiful and it would stay beautiful.
You don’t need to deny the love that was there but you also need to accept that it is not there anymore. I know you had a hard time letting go, you could not move on, you had a difficult phase to come out from, and you did not know how to get over something that defined you. But now since you have, you are the one they cannot embrace. Yes your heart is still bruised, yes, it still aches, and the void that was made when the one you loved had walked away is still there.
But now you have learned to live with that, now you know how strong you actually are and since you have learned to live without him, now that you have taken yourself from the hell you were in, you know whatever is coming can’t be worse than what you have already faced and whatever it would be, if you have faced your past gracefully, you can face whatever awaits you in future.
But what you need to do is begin again.
Begin again to love. No not him or not any other guy but begin again to love yourself, to accept yourself, to be yourself again. And not blame yourself or hold yourself guilty for him leaving you. You’re strong, you’re fierce, you’re fire. If you have handled yourself in such a graceful way, my dear lady, you can handle anything.
There is more to love, there is much more to live.