Between falsely promising each other the stars and moon, we realized that the dark sky is the only thing we have in common.
I often sit by myself near the window late at night, not knowing what to do other than contemplate how beautiful and simultaneously daunting night can be. I look outside my window and notice how the lights in the window opposite mine are flickering. As I see the familiar beeping light of the plane in the sky, I catch myself hoping to be on one of them very soon, just to escape and start all over again. And before I can stop myself, I start hoping you’re looking at that plane, too, wishing for the same.
As I slowly allow myself to delve further into the box of memories, a flash of you tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear comes to my mind, and I freeze and go numb. It’s the kind of numb that you feel before fire burns all your skin. That one tiny second before a feeling of dread spreads across your body and in no time reaches your eyes. You are that fire, the kind which is safe to see from a distance and to get hypnotized by. The closer you go, the chances of burning will increase.
The dark sky is beautiful to look at. But however mesmerizing it may be, it won’t ever be able to light up the world. Just like we won’t be able to light up each other’s lives. The memories of us will be stuck like the stars in that sky, but they’re just memories: beautiful to look at, but dead just like the stars.
There are times when a certain memory, the mere mention of your name, a familiar joke, a familiar spot makes me want to start all over again, makes me want to forget everything because I thought love could make anything work. But I snap back to reality and realize what an absurd notion that is. No matter how much we could have tried, our ending would always be the same.
As I still sit near my window, listening to distant sounds as the minutes on the clock tick by, I feel a certain peace within me, even though I know it is only momentary.
Maybe some relations are only meant to be short lived, maybe some memories are only meant to remind you of what was and what isn’t, maybe some nights are only meant to stare into nothingness, and maybe some people are only meant to be loved from a distance.
It’s scary how in a fraction of a second, in a moment, you could fall into something that could take a lifetime to get over. We all move ahead in life, but that hole stays, that dread takes a long time to fade away.
As dawn slowly breaks into the sky, I realize that no matter where I go from here, no matter how many years pass by, no matter whom I end up with, I will always look up towards the sky and remember that wherever you are, this is the one vast thing we have in common.