It was great at first, being with him. You might have thought to yourself, “Wow, I found the one. This is it. This is the one that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.” Deep down in your heart, you know that something isn’t right. You’re happy, but you know that happiness is going to be short lived. When you’re in his presence, he gives you butterflies and makes you feel giddy. It’s a great feeling, but that’s not how a man should make you feel. A man should make you feel protected and warm, like you know you’re in good hands.
He didn’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated. No one can treat someone perfectly, there will always be something they don’t like. But the way he treated you was like he was taking about the garbage. Like you were a chore. He was mean, to your body and to your self-esteem. When it came to pointing out your flaws, he did a fantastic job. You weren’t more than just a warm body he could sleep with. It’s sad that that was all you were to him. You would have given him the world if you could, but he wouldn’t have taken it because it came from you.
On some days, he would find you on his bathroom floor crying. Maybe he knew that the reason you were there was because of him, maybe he didn’t, who knows? The way he looked down at you was insulting. He would ask in a disgusted tone, “Are you done yet?” How could someone you love be so degrading to your character?
You find yourself typing in the google search bar “signs of an abusive relationship.” The fact that you have to google the signs of an abusive relationship should be a big enough sign for you that you are in an abusive relationship. You push that thought out of your head because you don’t want to believe it. You check off the bullet points on the list in your head: critical, constant put-downs, humiliates you, insults you, controlling, denial, blame, guilt trips, excuses, refusing to communicate, provocative behavior with the opposite sex, making everything your fault, the list goes on and on. The sad thing is, you love this person, but they don’t love or even respect you.
You go through all of the names he has called you with worthless, crazy, insane, and dumb being the first ones to come to mind. He calls you those names so often, you begin to think that you are in fact everything he has called you. In reality, you’re priceless, reasonable, sane, and intelligent.
He will probably never change, all you can do is pray that he will treat his next girlfriend better.
A wonderful guy will walk into your life at some point in time and you will be sitting there in awe wondering how someone so special, so perfect even, chose to be with you. He will accept you as you are and love you with all of his heart. Those are the days to look forward to.