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5 Tips For Finding Your Perfect Apartment In The City

According to our experts, these five fail-proof tips will be perfect for finding your dream apartment in 2019, no matter what borough you choose. Happy hunting!

1. Interject buzz words into every sentence to impress the broker. Buzz words are a sure fire way to let the broker know you’re a professional. Ex: “I love the vintage, industrial, contemporary-modern door with ceiling-to-floor crown molding and wrap-around Island studio, open-air layout walk-up farm sink.”

2. Put all of your jackets on so you can see if you fit through the doorways when your heat needs to be fixed. Doorway-sizing is crucial. When your heat turns off, and it will, you’ll need to make sure you can still move about the space with all of your winter coats on. It gets cold in the winter and you’ll need to be prepared.

3. Dress as a robber and try to get past the doorman and then rob the place and three others to test the security. Security, or lack there of, can make or break what could be your hospitable haven. If the seller or broker mentions the security being “state of the art”, you’ll never truly know until you test it out yourself.

4. Bring your good friend, Feodor Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, to make sure you have plenty of opportunity to optimize the space. Feodor, one of your closest buddies, could fit a working kitchen and washer unit in a shoe box, so why not ask him to tag along? He could be the deciding factor for your future adaptable abode.

5. Shoot yourself in the leg, and then run to your neighbors to see how helpful they are and if you can trust them. Bad neighbors can make a perfect place into a putrid one. Thankfully, we found the kid-tested and mother-approved way to know if they’ll be gracious or grubby. Simply shooting yourself in any extremity/limb of your choosing is a quick and easy way to figure out your hallmates. If they turn out to be unhelpful, you’ll bleed out and your apartment hunting days will be over. Regardless of if you arrive to the hospital or not, it will be a win-win.

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About the author
I'm a depressed, bisexual, ADHD improv comedian who owns pet shrimp. Follow Sierra on Instagram or read more articles from Sierra on Thought Catalog.

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