Well, here you are again. Back to the same place you left off. You gave him another chance, didn’t you? Even after everything he’s done and all the pain he’s caused you, you’re back here. In his arms. When you know you shouldn’t be.
Well, guess what. I don’t blame you.
Letting go is difficult. Losing him, someone who was such a constant in your life, is probably the worst version of reality you never want to live. Or at least you think it is. This is what makes it easy for you to take him back when he comes crawling back to you. So you take him back in a heartbeat.
When you love someone, you overlook all the bad things. You overlook the pain they made you undergo. You overlook the lies. You overlook the tears you shed. You overlook every bad memory.
Don’t worry, I understand. I understand completely.
You love him, right? That’s why you’re still here. Even if you know that the uncertainty exists, that the wounds from your heart are still aching, and that you’re still damaged.
Because you believe that maybe things will be better this time around, he’ll be better this time around. And that maybe everything will just disappear into thin air. You forget everything he’s done, all the damage he’s caused, and all the scars he’s made. You give him another chance. “One ‘last’ chance,” you tell yourself, then the next time comes along and you realize maybe that wasn’t the last.
This cycle goes on and on. And you want it to stop but at the same time, you don’t. You give him another chance again and again and again. You relive the same mistakes, the same outcomes. You know what you have to do. Everyone around you knows what you have to do. “You deserve better.” Those words echo in your head, in not only your voice, but everyone else’s.
But despite that, you still can’t seem to let go.
And again, I don’t blame you.
And you shouldn’t blame yourself either.
It’s the price we pay when we love someone so much. We hold on tightly to the possibility that things may work out eventually. As stupid as we may be for doing so, we still believe it will be worth it. We can try all we want to let go. We can keep fighting. Either way, we’ll never win. And I guess it really isn’t about winning.