My Anxiety Constantly Makes Me Feel Self-Conscious

Unsplash / Guillaume Bolduc

Hello, anxiety.

I see you almost every single day trying to make me feel my worst but still I greet you with kindness.

I see what you are doing there, hiding behind those strangers who are whispering in each other’s ears.

You want me to think that they are talking about me, don’t you? Well, I fell for it and now I am checking if something is wrong with my face or the clothes that I am wearing.

Why would you make me feel like everyone is watching me move? Like everyone is waiting for me to do something absurd and call me insane?

This man… why is he looking at me with lust, like he’s going to hurt me? What if I take the knife out of my bag and hurt him before he hurts me?

No. Calm down. It’s anxiety playing his dirty games again.

I see what you are doing there, hiding behind the curtains in my room just to make me feel like someone is watching.

Your timing is perfectly matched to the memories in my head that seem to remind me of my mistakes — making me feel stupid and making me believe that someone who saw me will go and tell the others.

Why would you keep reminding me of my past mistakes? Why would you torment me with all these random episodes of daily life in the middle of the night? Why?

No. Calm down. It’s anxiety playing his dirty games again. Don’t let him win.

I see what you are doing there, hiding behind my lover’s back when he is on his phone. You want me to believe that he is seeing someone else? Someone less complicated? You want me to believe that he is cheating on me?

Why would you want to crush my soul and shatter my heart into a million pieces? Why?

No. Calm down. It’s anxiety playing his dirty games again. Don’t let him win.

Anxiety. My confidant and my worst enemy. Why would you use the secrets I tell you during my weakest moments and turn them against me?

I see you almost every single day trying to make me feel my worst but still I greet you with kindness.

Because my friend, I will never let you win. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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