I wish for a lot of things I think that are too much for people. I thought that when my mother told me at a young age to never settle this was my way of doing just that. I want to be treated like I’m important—like I matter. I don’t need someone to hold the door open for me or tell me they want me around but I want that. Doesn’t that count for something?
I have a long lost of things I want. I want to be able to laugh and confide in a friend without fear of it going anywhere passed my lips. I want to be able to feel like I’m not just a filler at a party. I want to be one of the people they call first to help decide what they want to do because they value my opinion. I want to be able to hang out with their friends without feeling like I’m an attachment and not a person at all. Doesn’t matter what spot they take because they aren’t important. Maybe that’s sensitive though to want someone to treat you with a little more passion.
I hope that one day I can preach about not settling for anything and not feel bad about it afterwards. I don’t want to feel like I’m choosing between what I feel I deserve and what everyone deserves of me. I’m not sure where that line is before it’s disrespectful to demand to be heard. Is there even a line to begin with?
Do I have to scream to be heard?
I’m aware my path isn’t mapped out for me no matter how many people tell me so. I know I have to do things on my own and I know I have to do things at my pace. But there are some nights where I can’t sleep at all and my mind won’t stop racing. It won’t stop telling me there’s no point in changing who you are because no one cares to see the change. But just as quickly it tells me that I have to change and adapt as a human because that’s what I truly want to do.
Shouldn’t others too?