Girl it has been a struggle. I have days where I don’t think I’ll make it out alive and some days where the happy moments there but were fleeting. But I’m here, still fighting to make sure I get to be you someday.
I envision myself as happy, successful, stressed beyond repair and loving every second of it. Depending on my mood I’m a writer who is lives with the love of my life in my home town sipping coffee while he wraps his arms around me telling me not to write anything about his obsession with Crash Bandicoot. Or I’m an actress working on a television show I created at the table read surrounded by new members of my family and friends that I have made that I know will stay for the rest of my life. Both situations happen, if they happen in the same lifetime that’s even better.
I hope you take the things that happened to us now with you then. I hope you aren’t closed off to love anymore and I hope you eventually meet someone who makes you trust in relationships again. Not every person you are interested in is going to emotionally destroy you.
They only dented your armor a little.
I hope you learn to forgive your family for the things they say and do. They love you so much and they would hate to see how much you’re hurting. They don’t understand because they don’t feel what you feel. Be grateful for that.
And my god I hope you start letting your friends in. You can’t assume everyone is against you all the time. You have to love, and love, and love until you can’t anymore. These people are here to help, support, and care for you. It’s not just your fight anymore. You can lean on some people who have been through similar situations and please do not push them away. They may not agree with what you do or the things that come flying out your mouth at 1am but trust me when I say they will always be there for you. I hope in our future we have strong connections with all the people we are close to now.
Don’t ever break the bonds with the ones who care for you.
For you now, the future is scary and alluring. I have to believe that something great is going to happen to us. I have to believe that the future is ready for us as much as we are ready for it.
I hope I get to make it to you with a smile on my face and a peace filled mind.