You’re going to get past this. You’re going to see that fabled rainbow after the storm.
I can’t tell you that the journey is not going to be painful, because it will be. It definitely won’t be easy. There will be countless times when you’ll wake up feeling the rays of the sun warming your skin and looking forward to what the day has to offer. But there will also be those days, more often than not, where you won’t even have the energy to open your eyes because once you do, you’ll have to go through yet another day with the pain in your heart. You’ll feel like you have to pretend that everything is picture perfect.
I can’t tell you that moving on will be quick, either. It won’t. Do take your time and if you need to grieve for months, then so be it. Don’t pay attention to what other people are going to think. Moving on is different for everyone. You need as much time as you need to move on, considering the pain you’ve already been through. Don’t try to numb that pain. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Accept it. Embrace it.
I’m not saying you should constantly cry over him, nor that you should spend the day brooding. It’s just that it is easier accepting what you’re going through than numbing the pain because once you feel it, hell — it’s going to hurt a whole lot more.
Just let me remind you, it wasn’t your fault. It never was. Never blame yourself for his mistakes. Everything he did is a choice. He made that decision — not because you were inadequate, hell no, but because he wanted a quick lay over a lifetime of happiness and unconditional love. That was him. That wasn’t you.
You gave him everything you could offer. You did everything you could to make it work. You were willing to fight for him over the disapproval of your parents. Hell, you even gave him a second chance. You were there when he wanted comfort, to be the rock he needed to support him through his grief. That’s really noble of you but you have to keep moving forward. It’s nice to look back at the past once in a while but don’t get lost in that because that’s what it is — the past. You can’t change it.
Don’t berate yourself for loving him either, because he was once a good guy. He loved you and you loved him back. There were countless moments of pure bliss; the times he made you teary for laughing too much at his jokes; for making you feel like you could melt into goo with the sweet surprises he did for you. Yes, these things were real. They happened. They were signs of love. No relationship is perfect, but yours was perfect enough in its own way.
He was the love of your life. You pictured a future with him, a happily ever after. He might have meant it whenever he declared his love for you, but somewhere along the lines, they became just empty words, soiled by insincere apologies and fabricated promises.
You might have lost someone, but you have gained so much more during this ordeal. Love is not supposed to end up like this. Love doesn’t end up like this. Don’t let him take your shine. Don’t let him take your ability to love again because love is the best thing we do.