When it comes to matters of the heart, things were a lot less complicated before the birth of internet and mobile phones. Temptations are now easily available at your fingertips, and it’s easy to keep yourself occupied when your partner is in the background, screaming at you. This digital age makes it really hard for married couples to resolve conflicts. It is difficult to make a marriage work.
At any stage of a marriage, there are definitely disagreements. If left unresolved, these would turn into serious problems in a marriage. Here are 8 practical ways to resolve the conflicts before it is too late:
1. Don’t sweep your hurts under the carpet
Conflicts are like cancer cells that deserve to be treated and removed. Burying your conflicts would only cause more hurt when it resurfaces in the future. If you or your spouse has a tendency to be overly emotional, set aside time in future to talk things out. Remember to talk, not shout. If talking doesn’t work, write it down.
2. Don’t air your dirty linen in the public (that includes social media)
Couples who publish their arguments on any platform would only worsen their marriage. Shaming your spouse publicly is only going to hurt him or her more. If you require advice on your marriage, seek professional help or a neutral party.
3. Set marriage goals each year
Many marriages break up because their expectations were not managed well enough. One of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce is ‘unreasonable behavior’. It is through these differences that spouses end up really disappointed. Write these goals clearly and make reference to it.
4. Saying ‘sorry’ is different from saying ‘forgive me’
Forgiveness is a whole new dimension for resolving conflicts. Asking for forgiveness shows that you are willing to let your pride go. It shows that you are sincerely putting in effort for your marriage.
5. Avoid three words: ‘never’, ‘always’ and ‘divorce’
In any heated argument, it is easy to say things like ‘you’ve never changed’, ‘you always do this to me’ and ‘I’ve had enough of you. Let’s divorce’. Drill it into yourself that these words have the power to gradually, or instantly, ruin your marriage.
6. Recite your marriage vows
We’ve asked married couples to recite their marriage vows, and none of them were able to read the full version without referring to it. Reciting your marriage vows can bring couples back to the moment they said “I Do” as well as remember that commitment they’ve made for better or for worse.
7. Seek professional help if the same type of conflicts keep occurring
Getting stuck in the cycle of pain and hurt is extremely unhealthy in a marriage. If it’s about adultery, the death of a child or something as simple as splitting the housework, reach out to a professional adviser who is able to help. A neutral party will always give a clearer picture.
8. Practice mindfulness and meditate on your spouse’s love
Take some time as a couple to mediate on each other’s love. Mindful meditation is a powerful tool for couples to develop a lasting and loving relationship.