I want to trust again, trust me, I really do.
But, how does one ever enter a relationship when trust is in the gallows? How does one remain secure, after entering relationships where the men always cheat on you? How does one stop blaming oneself for not being good enough? How does one love again, after her heart is scarred?
So I have been reading, probably a million articles online, that trust is the foundation of a successful relationship. But none of them ever explained why did the people I have loved and trusted decide to cheat. If trust is truly the essence, then betrayal would turn it into poison.
I can never be the same for my future husband. I can never trust any man who comes along my way, because my mind has set to think that trust is a catalyst for a broken heart. Trust is the potential for betrayal. Trust is the portion of possible pain, the gulp of poison when it is broken. I can never trust with all that rust, all that pain still thronging through my mind, my heart, and my soul.
But you. Out of the billions of people in this world, you came along. You never once asked me to trust you. You loved me, truly for who I am. You understood me. You never once screamed at me even when you found me stealing glances in your mobile phone or eavesdropping in your conversations. You extinguished my nervousness whenever I am suspicious of you. You loved me and my broken heart and fought for me and with me. You became a fighter for my belief. You made me realize that I can still love you without trusting you. You made me realize that you would love me all the same even if I didn’t trust you.
You were faithful when I was faithless. You didn’t mind that trust is absent in our love. You helped me to believe. You picked up those pieces of my brokenness and dusted the rust off. You helped me to believe that a love so beautiful and magical is still possible.
And the foundation of love is not trust. It is faith. It is belief. It is choosing to believe that love is still possible even when trust is broken. Thank you for helping me to understand that I don’t have to trust you for you to love me. Thank you that your love has helped me to believe.