Before, I thought my priority was my reputation, how people see me. I guess it’s a common thing, that insecure people would think the same way. I was always afraid of disappointing others, of being judged and feel ashamed for my failure and lacking. But what’s the outcome of being such a person? First, I don’t know whether I disappoint others, I never feel good enough, and worse, I don’t make everyone nor myself happy either. I was stuck in the reverse, not achieving my dream, yet not fixing things either. I filled my days doing mediocrity to keep things as it is. There were many times when I regret of not being able to do what I want to do because I was always afraid about what others think about me. I am still young, but I was not happy. And it was real, when people, in their deepest point of sadness and disappointment of themselves, it can let them to a very terrible behavior. We often think that people who hurt themselves are stupid and short minded, but we have not the slightest idea what battle they face within themselves, how noisy the voices inside themselves is, because everyone has different power and capability in facing certain problems.
We have to keep trying because life is supposed to be fought for. Life can be a beautiful thing, really, only if we could always see the bright side.
1. You have to speak up. It needs nothing but bravery, even when you have to force it. The result is always, either you get it or you lose it and even if you lose it, you can always begin again and look for something else, something better, something that won’t weigh you down. It’s far away from easy, I am not yet used to this, but I am slowly learning, to prioritize myself and speak of it.
2. Believe in yourself. No one truly does, unless, probably your mother. I know it’s not easy at all, but the only thing to be one is to remind yourself everyday, before and after bed or on the way to work, or just anytime, anywhere, tell yourself a mantra “I am good enough, I deserve to be happy, and I can do everything I want”. To note, bright opportunities always there for you when you feel good about yourself.
3. Face the fear, embrace it. We are often afraid about deciding certain things because we are afraid if the future after it won’t be as good as the now. But I got this quote from Jack Ma which I won’t forget: “If you change, it will be difficult. If you don’t change, it will be bitter.” Exactly. It will be difficult to change, but we are human, and adaption is our nature. Take disaster as an example. It always happened unexpectedly, but are they, the victims of disaster, ever plan to lose their home? No, but they will adapt. Yes they will get sad, and yes they will be in deep desperation, but they are human, they will survive and figure out what to do. And nothing great will ever happened if you don’t try to face your own fear. Instead, embrace them, go with them, accept them. When you can accept your fear, your flaws, you will collect even the weakest part of you and make them one, stronger you.
4. Have purpose. Same as having priority, having purpose means you will be consistently doing everything to achieve that goal of yours. My goal is to feel happy and peaceful in everyday of my life, no matter what I am doing, it is something that I alway pray for since I was so much younger. It might seems like a fool, to have such a simple goal. But peace and happiness is very rare these days that people take them for granted, that they think money, lust, and material things are the source. But think about it, if those material things were taken from you, would you still be happy? I don’t want to let inner peace and happiness be found from objects, it has to be felt freely from the heart. With this purpose, I am trying to be kinder, to be healthier, to feel more content about my life, to be aware more about myself, to use what I have gracefully, and to decide what’s best for my mental health, for myself, no matter how people feel at the decision. If you start pointing on how it sounds very naive, I am not saying money and all are not important. They are, in fact, crucial things in life. I mean, how can we travel without money? But we can always set that in third, fourth, or so-on-priority.
5. You have no obligation to prove or to explain anything to anyone. Just because everyone else loves something, you don’t have to force yourself to do the things they love and prove them that you love them too, if you don’t. Social life always tell us to do these and those, brainwashing us with things and habit that seems very normal these days, that we have to do it too in order to be accepted. For example, we have to share everything to social media, we have to share our purchase, our “happy life”, our “perfect relationship”, or we have to have that “perfect shape”. It is okay to do it though, but we have our own principle of life and it’s okay too, not to chase the same thing. J-Lo once said: “The truth is, nobody knows what’s inside you, only you know what you can accomplish and what you’re capable of and what your gut and your dreams and your desires and your wants and your ability, only you know. Nobody else knows. All of it is a mindset, all of it is about being consistent.”
6. Find things that calm you down. Things could get really bad sometimes, you could be feeling down at anytime of the day. But little things actually help. For me, I would listen to rock music, clean my room, iron my clothes (try using iron, not steamers), and write everything I feel with pencil in a paper. It did help. It made me feel calm and distracted. Yours might be different, you can start by imagining first, what is the right activities to do and just do it.
7. Be kind and always have good intention. Being good is relative, but at least if you have good intention, you won’t feel bad. I got another Buddhist words which I forgot the exact quote but I could only remember its meaning: “If you do good, the good things might not come to you directly, but the bad things already go away. If you do bad, the bad things might not come to you directly, but the good things already go away.” When we do good, don’t expect anything, just be kind because it definitely feels much better than any hatred you’d ever feel.