This is for those who are always alone.
For the first time in my life this year, I found myself utterly alone.
I had moved into my new house, away from my family and was living on my own. I had left a full-time job to freelance and wasn’t as busy or social anymore. I worked mostly online at home and could go for days without really talking to anyone. The house was also exceedingly quiet, especially during the night.
While I enjoyed being by myself during the day, there were many nights where I was physically and emotionally alone. I had few friends or people who freelanced or seemed to know what I was going through in this new transition of my life. And there were probably many nights of solo drinking. And crying. Usually together.
I sometimes wondered if I made the wrong decision to leave my 9 to 5, but it has given me more time to work on my freelance writing and marketing, as well as other business projects, that I would never have had time for if I was in a regular job. Now that I was working for myself, I had A LOT of extra time on my own.
Here is my advice for those who are in this same phase of life too:
There is nothing wrong with you.
Just because you are introverted or love hanging out alone, doesn’t mean that you are strange or weird. Sometimes this is just a phase in your life that you need to go through.
Others may not understand, but it’s okay. Don’t judge yourself for being alone, because everyone is as well, some just hide it better than others.
It is okay to ask for help or depend on someone.
Whether you’ve been taught to be independent or just want to have control over your life, you can always ask for help from friends and loved ones or reach out to make new connections with others.
The good thing about being solo is that you can decide if you want company for the day or not and can arrange for that to happen. You don’t have to be obliged to interact with others all the time, but you can reach out when you need a hit of connection, and then leave after that to be solo.
Are you actually avoiding company because of a deeper issue?
While having alone time is great, is there another deeper emotional issue that you’re hoping not to confront by avoiding being around others? Is this helping or lowering your emotional well-being?
Sometimes introversion, shyness or avoidance of people and crowds has an underlying reason that may indicate a deeper issue that you’re not willing to look at about yourself. Take an honest look at your situation and notice if it’s affecting your life and emotional health in a negative way. You may want to talk to a close friend or counselor to sort this out.
It is up to you to connect with other people.
You’re in charge of making your life the best it can be. And if you have a need for emotional connection with others, it is up to you to find it. Figure out what situations you would like to meet people at and go to those events and meetups to find them.
Large crowds may not be your cup of tea, but you can meet others at small group events, meetups for specific hobbies or passions, or through other friends. You get to choose the environment, where you can be most comfortable in meeting new people.
Do all the things you’ve always wanted to do.
With so much extra time on your hands, make use of this period in your life to do all the things that you wanted to do. The sky is the limit! Since you’re on your own, you have the freedom to enjoy it as much as you can. Pick up new solo hobbies like knitting or art, start side projects, go traveling. This is your chance to own your life.
The thing about being alone is you sometimes have too much time on your own and in your head. Use it in a positive way. You can take the time to indulge in your philosophical questions, be curious about how everything works, and discover new ideas during your self-reflection time.
Who knows, you may come up with a new business idea or invention while you’re enjoying your me-time.
If you’re not keen for other people’s company, you can still enjoy your surroundings by taking long walks, going on hikes and immersing yourself in nature. Not only does being in nature have positive effects on your physical and mental well-being, it is also a great place for more self-reflection or meditation, as you journey inward.
Have a routine.
When you have all the time to yourself, it’s easy to start doing everything based on how you feel, and before you know it, your whole schedule goes out the window. Set up your own schedule, so that you still get your work done, and allocate time for play and hobbies as well.
You can schedule your life however you want, but keep it organized, so you still have something solid to fall back on and a routine that you root yourself into. Without scheduling, you could feel more lost and lonely, and make it difficult for you to achieve your personal goals.
Take the time to work on yourself.
With all the extra time you have now, it can be easy to get sucked into a negative spiral of loneliness.
Take the opportunity to improve something about yourself by enrolling in personal development courses, connect with others who may be in the same phase of life as yourself, and learn new skills.
Set an intention for yourself.
This period of being alone could be temporary or longer journey. While we can’t always control our living situations, it is up to you to make the most of it. Focus on having an intention that can guide you through this phase, so that you can go back to it when you’re feeling lost or scared.
For example, it could something like “My intention for being solo right now is to have a better relationship with myself, while working on my business”. You will have a guiding light that will help you get through tough and lonely times of always being on your own, which also serves as a good reminder to why you are alone right now.
This is your personal purpose for this period of time in your life, enjoy each day while you work towards your future.