1. He makes plans and then cancels. Not only is this the most annoying thing in the world, but it shows that he doesn’t respect your time. Yes, there are going to be circumstances where there is no other choice, just be careful what you choose to accept as a legitimate excuse.
2. Forgets things you have talked about. You know you told him that you don’t like Indian food but then on the fourth date he takes you to an Indian restaurant. Or maybe you told him about a girls night you have planned and that morning he asks if you want to go out with him. He isn’t forgetful, he’s just not listening.
3. Dismisses things that upset you. Maybe he acknowledges that you are rightfully upset, but doesn’t stop doing whatever it is. Or when you tell him that you are upset he changes the subject, maybe tells you that you look cute when you’re mad. That is because he is not going to change and he doesn’t care about your feelings.
4. Gets attached too quick. You’ve been on one date and he already talks about you hanging out with his sister, or uses the “we” word a lot. Yes, it does feel nice to have someone so interested in you but you hardly know each other, there is no way he knows you well enough to be so invested.
5. He ignores you. It should not matter how busy he is, a quick response is not too much to ask for. If he cares about your feelings at all, he won’t let you stew. If you are upset, he needs to let you know that he hears you and that maybe that moment isn’t a good time but that he intends on talking about it. If you are just starting out and you text him to hang out and he doesn’t respond- forget him, it’s not going to get better.
6. Only shares “surface” stories. OK, you’ve been on a couple of dates and you’re starting to like him, then you realize all the life stories he shares are about partying in college, fishing or the modifications to his car he is working on. If he doesn’t talk about his childhood or family this could be a sign he doesn’t intend on getting close.
7. He tells you what you want to hear. There is a big difference between the truth (maybe when you need to hear it) versus him just trying to please you. Sometimes you need to hear the tough things to help you grow and better yourself, if he can’t help you with that then there is a problem.
8. He has his own agenda. He doesn’t ask your opinion, or when you share it he doesn’t take it into consideration. This could be hard to figure out and when you do, it might seem like it’s too late, but working on a plan together is so important. Relationships are an equal partnership, no one should wear the pants (wink, wink).
9. Won’t do things when you ask. Most of us out there are pretty strong women and can do a lot of things for ourselves. I am not saying we should expect to be spoiled but if you’re sick and ask him to pick up a box of the good tissues, or switch the laundry into the dryer, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. Luckily I never had kids with my ex or this would have made me pull my hair out.
10. Puts you down. Period. You should never feel like there is something wrong with you, or that you don’t matter, or that you are not valuable. Sometimes it may seem like a compliment but really it is a put-down. Or maybe he mentions something he doesn’t really like and is slowly trying to control how you act or what you do. Remember you are perfect the way you are and no one should be in your life that doesn’t see that.