Let me change that belief. Loving is not without compromises.
I used to always believe that as a woman, I should never let my guard down. Books are always telling me to never ever lower my standard or to never ever compromise because the authors say the right man will come along and I would never need to adjust as the right one will meet all of the things I expect the right one would do.
Fast forward, I entered into a relationship for the very first time. It was smooth-sailing in the beginning. All rainbows, butterflies and everything nice. The butterflies even almost always flew in my stomach. It went on for quite a time until they start to make my stomach churn, sometimes turned into chest discomforts we call heartaches and problems arose here and there. The once smooth path started to become bumpy, and that is totally normal like in all relationships. So because of what I’ve read on books, I refused to compromise. I always stood for what I believed in, for what was inculcated in my mind that women should never allow any man to change her ways. That men should accept women wholly, the good and the bad, and men should be the ones adjusting for women instead because in the first place it was them who asked women to allow them into their lives. That’s what established my fears that if I ever compromise and things don’t turn out well it would be me who will be on the losing side.
At first in my relationship, with all the misunderstandings here and there I did not fail to follow those stuff I learned from the books but as I continued to follow those women-should-never-compromise rules, I started to notice that arguments were not getting better, misunderstandings just became more often, and fights became bigger.
As I don’t want to lose the person I love, one day I tried to do just an infinitesimal amount of compromise. I was taken aback by the colossal turn of result. What used to be petty misunderstandings that turned to big ones were suddenly resolved in a short period of time, fights became rare and everything generally became better. I was happy about how compromising for even a tiny bit turned out. I tried to compromise a little bit more, and more and little more. The result is quite dramatic.
With all of this, I conclude that once you love someone, you will never be bothered compromising some things just to make sure everything will run smoothly as it once was. Never be afraid to let your guard down because love is a risk. That’s a quite a cliché that we almost always take for granted. I am blessed that my man never gave up on me as each bump on our road brought me to this realization and I hope no more beautiful relationships get wasted because of this. After all, once you allow yourself to love, no matter what the outcome will be, you will never be on the losing side. Proving to yourself that you’ve loved truly and wholly is enough a reason to call yourself a winner. It would be the people who waste that love will end up as losers.
To all my lovely women, although it is not wrong to read, believe and maybe follow a little those books because there might be some truth to what they are teaching us but don’t let those rules harden your heart too much to the point of not allowing yourself to give and take that you eventually come off as selfish. After all, it is a relationship that you don’t wanna break and you are dealing with a human being who also has feelings that you never want to hurt.
Be the smart and strong woman who knows her worth but also knows when to start compromising.