1. You cannot make someone feel something they don’t. It doesn’t matter what ammo you think you have, which harsh words you choose to brandish, or what they’ve done to you. You cannot force them to have an emotion that they simply do not carry.

2. You know exactly how you feel about someone. You’re just overcomplicating it because you’re afraid of that actual emotion settling in and what might happen because of it.

3. Pay attention to who truly sees you and listen to them. If they catch things about who you are and how you operate beyond even your own comprehension, chances are they’re a quality person you want to keep around. They’ll help you grow.

4. Time doesn’t heal all wounds—accepting your circumstances and processing responsibility for your actions does. Time is just the icing on the cake.

5. If you’re going to seek reconciliation, make sure you’re ready for what that means for you. When you’re really, truly ready to forgive someone, you cannot lord past mistakes over them. By forgiving them and deciding to move forward, you’re allowing the slate to be wiped clean.

6. There are some people in your life that can come back and find a new space to exist in. There are also some people that should never do this. Be cautious of who you allow in and when.

7. Some people have a capacity to how much they can care and what that might look like. It’s not that they care less or don’t want to care at all, they just only have so much to give in the first place.

8. Though rules and expectations (i.e. boundaries) are incredibly beneficial in most scenarios, sometimes it’s best to just let things develop as they do. Don’t limit what you haven’t even begun to explore yet.

9. It’s okay if you still love them, even if you wish you didn’t. You might feel that way for a very long time. It is what it is.

10. People don’t change, but they do grow up. They learn, they process, and they adjust. It’s okay to be curious about what that looks like for them.

11. It will never be what it was again, much as you wish it would be. It just won’t. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a good thing now, even if it has to look different.

12. Just feel it. Whatever you keep shoving down because you think you need to, let it rise. Let it take you. Let it teach you something.

13. You are ultimately in charge of what happens to you. Even if someone does something bad, everything after that is still your responsibility. Quit using their mistake as an excuse for your poor behavior.

14. Above anything else, have grace for your process, your feelings, and your energy. Healing and loving and growing is tough—be kind to yourself through all of it.