I’ve become addicted to very bad things.
There are certain types of addiction, and they vary. You can be addicted to drink, to people, sometimes even to yourself. But I am not talking about that. I am talking about the addiction to negativity. This is my addiction. I crave it. I hug it close to me because it’s easy. It’s simple to believe awful things about yourself and it’s so difficult to listen to positivity when it seems scarce.
Lately, life has not been the best. There have been circumstances that are unfortunate, but were out of my control. There were some that I had control of, and I chose to make the wrong decision. When a lot of terrible things happen, it is easy to let yourself delve into a deep valley of muck that seems inescapable.
Life can be so wonderful at times, so bright and full of possibilities that the mountains you can climb seem endless. You keep going up, up, up! Everything is working! And then it happens, whatever it is, that trips you. You fall, only slightly but you did, down the side of the mountain. You think, ‘okay, that was just a little set back, it’ll get better!’
Sometimes it does. But other times, the dark ones, you will continue to fall. You fall hard. You fall fast and you resume your fall until you hit this muck. Your valley, possibly your lowest. You sit in this valley and try not to drown. It’s hard not to let the muck consume you when there is so much. It’s everywhere and it’s filling your lungs and you just assume that there’s no escaping.
Once you get here, you’ll want to stay. You’ll wallow in this filth because it’s easy to be here. It would be simple to let this dirt and grime consume you. Wouldn’t it be better to just sit here and not have to try so hard anymore? This pit fills your mind with thoughts of worthlessness, thoughts of being hated and unloved. It delves deep until, unless you try and leave, it slowly becomes who you are.
I do not want to feel worthless, I do not want to feel hated and I do not want to feel unloved because none of that is true. I am not worthless, I am not hated, and there are people who love me. There are people who love you. You have worth, you are not hated by all and you have the ability to begin your climb back up.
It’s not easy and it’s not quick. The climb back up to the top, to the sunshine and the fresh air, is long and burdened with lessons. Do not begin your journey up the mountain lightly, and be ready for some setbacks. There will be rocks and thorns and holes in the ground along the way. But the minute you reach the top again, no matter how battered or bruised you may be, you will realize it was worth it. You will breathe that fresh air again and look down on your valley and realize you are much better up here, in the warmth.
Do not be addicted to negativity, to your valley, just because it’s easy. It’s not worth it. There are viciously low valleys we all hit in life, but they are what make the mountains that much more enjoyable. There is hope on the horizon for you, and for me, and for anyone who needs it. If you need your motivation to begin your climb back up, much as I did, use this. Know that there are others climbing with you and people waiting for you at the top. Start your climb today, and I will meet you in the sunshine.