Why I Want To Love Myself First, Before I Even Think About Marriage

Julian Santa Ana

As a human, I was taught from a young age to seek someone of the opposite sex, get married to them, have babies, and live happily ever after. While this created a sense of direction or purpose, I quickly came to question it once I got to college. I have had my share of boyfriends, bad dates, good dates that turned into nothing, and heartbreak. And all of these experiences taught me so much about myself that I truly cherish.

I recently read a psychology today post that said:

“With people waiting longer than ever to get married, many choosing not to get married at all, and others ending up single later in life due to divorce or widowhood, there are more single people than ever. During the 1960s, only 10% of American adults age 25 or over were unmarried; today, that percentage has doubled.”

I can’t help but think most millennials are starting to become more aware of other options they have in their early 20’s. Humans are living longer than they ever have with today’s advancing science field.

Why not enjoy your young 20’s by getting to know yourself and love yourself first before giving that love to another?

Why settle for someone who doesn’t truly make you happy or treat you the right way? Why rush into marriage when you don’t truly understand what it takes to care for another unconditionally for the rest of your life, if you are still learning to take care of yourself? Why not focus on your career first to advance yourself to eventually provide your future family with stability?

I can see the other side of this topic. Being young and in love allows you a chance to grow with someone. They are there with you through thick and thin from the beginning of your journey. Not everyone has that chance though. Those who are lucky enough to find a love that lasts are rare.

I think a huge part of the issue is that a large number of people in my generation are caught up in appearance. The physical material body. It is not their fault. They are fed this from the media, internet, and apps from a young age now. Dress this way, use this makeup, use this app, take that picture or it didn’t happen, look at this ad of this half naked woman eating a hamburger, or buy this car because this actor is driving it. Our desires are for physical things.

But whatever happened to seeing a person for who they are on the inside? If our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different our ideals of beauty would be. As a 23-year-old, I will say right now that I am still trying to figure out how this world works. How I work. I know that the universe has its plan for me. God has his plan for me. I just have to keep living my life the way that was intended by a force so much greater than myself.

Love is a feeling that allows us to be connected to others. It allows us to feel closer to the divine. My high school Physics teacher once described love in a very interesting way. He asked, “What is the strongest force in the world?” Most students said gravity. He replied, “No, it is love and it always will be.”

If love is the strongest force in the world, which I believe it is, I want to seek it first in myself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A peak into the mind of a: Wesleyan University educated, ambitious doctor-to-be, 23-year-old, African American woman, ex-lacrosse player, travel-driven soul, feminist, yogini, yoga teacher, & artistic type of millennial.

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