After a break up I found myself in a world of hurt. I also found myself drinking every weekend and “partying” to keep myself occupied from the thought of missing said significant other. And you know what? I am damn glad I did. Not because I was avoiding the problem or my emotions (believe me those still got expressed in drunk texts and embarrassing crying turned to laughter sessions with the besties) but because I had never done anything like that. I was always in one serious relationship into another following the rules and being the best girlfriend I could be. However I was not being the best woman that I could be for myself. Without the heartbreak you caused me I wouldn’t have become the strong independent woman I am today. Because of you I found myself, so thank you.
1) I found out what I don’t want
The saying is true “ignorance is bliss,” however being stubborn I like to know everything I possibly can including what does and doesn’t make me happy and push me closer to someday having a successful marriage. Each time a relationship ended I realized more and more what I didn’t want. This is 100 times more important than the things you do want these very things are what make or break a relationship. This is what made realize what I am not willing to accept in a man.
2) I gained my independence
I no longer had a person to take me to dinner and the movies or buy me gifts. I found myself spoiling myself at Victoria’s Secret and going to a spa day just because. I began being okay with sitting in my room and reading a book for hours. I devoted hours to studying without feeling guilty for not spending it with you. I was able to make future plan like graduate school, and where I wanted to move with out running it by someone for permission. I learned being single and alone does not mean you have to be or are lonely.
3) I began to live my life my way
Instead of worrying about having my phone charged and answering a text every 2 minutes I began actually be able to enjoy myself and enjoy free time. Late nights with the girls became a regular thing. Going to as many concerts as possible with my friends. Taking a weekend off to spend it in the city. I was able to make any decision I wanted without being questioned “Why? When? Who will be there? How long? Where?” The only person I have to answer to is myself and what I truly wanted.
4) I learned to love differently
Okay, I’m not going to lie this includes my first summer fling that ended horribly as well as the occasional hook up with a cute guy I was just getting to know and a friend with benefits situation but hey these were lessons and decisions I had to make on my own. I was able to find love other than the, “first love” love and believe me your first love doesn’t need to be your last. The love I felt for my boyfriend of 4 years was not even comparable to the love I felt for my boyfriend of a month. Not due to time spent but due to chemistry. I felt a completely different connection with each guy. Each one I cared for differently and left me with memories as well as heartbreak. One hurting more than the other, each story passionate in its own unique way.
5) I focused on myself
Instead of having to worry about making someone else happy, I was finally able to focus on my own happiness. You know what is better than being in a relationship with someone and loving them? Being in a relationship with yourself and loving you.