C’mon. Admit it. We’ve all lost close friends. There isn’t always a why or how it happens. Sometimes, it just does, and all we can do is accept it and move on. Best friends who you know, are supposed to stick through thick and thin with you. Keyword: supposed. Well we all know life isn’t all poppies and sprinkles and rainbow unicorns. After losing said best friend recently, I have reached an epiphany – I’m better off without her. Funnily enough, I thought I was a better person with her.
After hearing about my other good friend’s story about how she has this flaky friend, I’ve been motivated to write this piece. To help the poor souls out there who are lost and left hanging high and dry.
Let’s be very honest here. It’s not an easy process. Regardless of whether you loathe that said best friend or love that said best friend. It’s never easy. To lose someone you had seen as a constant is a massive shakeup. See, friendship breakups are often downplayed. Search it up on the net if you beg to differ. Every day, Thought Catalog is churning out articles and articles of ‘how to cope with the loss of your love’ and ‘what to do on a date’ and ‘how to cope with a break up’ and ‘how to love the one’ and ‘finding the one’ – well, you get my drift.
How often do you see a piece of writing that mentions anything about friendship? Perhaps some will mention things like ‘things best friends do,’ but never how to get over someone you’ve been friends with for eons. Never about how to get over someone you’ve trusted everything with, someone you swore you’d never drift apart from. But you know, people are like ever-changing. As the saying goes, ‘change is the only constant’. I guess people are like clay in that regard, molded by their circumstances and the people around them.
1. Admit to yourself it is over
Stop romanticising the idea that someday, sometime soon your friendship is going to be repaired. Stop trying to push it to the furthest corner of your consciousness where you’d never be reminded of it. Stop trying to think that it can be fixed. If it can, you probably wouldn’t be reading this right now. Admit to yourself that maybe it is time you have given up. If you’re the only one that is making an effort to keep it going, give up. Friendship is a two-way street.
2. Consider the possibility that you’re better off
Use the opportunity to find yourself. Find the person inside you without said best friend. Sometimes friendships end because you are both functioning on different wavelengths. People on different wavelengths can never get along. You can attempt to, but you’ll probably never be happy. Be yourself, yourself with him/her. You might like yourself better. Use this opportunity to reflect, reflect on who you want to be, and what you want to achieve.
3. Find new friends
Find people who share similar interests. You never know what will be in store for you. New friends can help you forget the pain of losing your best friend. Knowing you’re not alone, and that you have support that you can fall back on is one of the best feeling ever. You know that you are appreciated by others, and that it doesn’t mean that you’re alone from here onwards.
4. Stop talking about him/her
We all know this. By having his/her name on the tip of your tongue doesn’t help. All you’re doing is reminiscing the past. Don’t even mention how much you hate him/her. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s apathy. To show that you hate him/her doesn’t reflect that you’ve gotten over him/her. Give yourself time to recover. By mentioning him/her all the time, is only going to make matters worse. It is like rubbing salt on a wound that is trying to recover.
5. Write a letter
Or a message to him/her. Explain to them what went wrong. Get some closure. Don’t leave that question in your mind unanswered. Get answers, and get closure. Only then, can you truly, truly move on.
Here’s to the friends we’ve lost.