The Person I Wish I Knew

I can’t fully understand what has gotten into me and why I want to know you so bad. There are many times that I thought of just showing up outside your bedroom window without notice, and ask why you couldn’t sleep at night.

I want to be familiar with your smile until I can see it at the back of my mind. I want to see the good things and the bad things your life has given you because I know I will love them even more. You are fully aware of how marvelous your imperfections are and I love that the most about you. I would want to see through those amazing eyes that you have ever since the day I saw you with your friends.

They are lucky. They are lucky to be with your presence and be showered by the good aura you have. Aren’t they wondering how you could be so cheerful despite all the challenges you’ve gone through? Because I am! I want to see how crazy and cranky you could be around your friends and how lovely of a brother you are. I have no idea how your voice casually sounds but I want to hear your voice besides the speeches you say and the songs you sing. I am sure it is great—just how great you are.

But this is the only way I could show you yourself. Again, I don’t know what has gotten into me why I want you to know how I see you, how we see you. I want you to know that you’ve changed so many people’s lives and would want to keep you forever. You’ve made an impact to people you haven’t even personally met. I want to remind of how wonderful person you are and this is the best way that I can.

I am never the kind of person who easily gives up but I know this is only how far I could get. It will always be my pleasure to write about you, to write for you. I would always love the photos of places you kept in your memories and imagine I was with you when you took them. I know I would keep on listening to your favourite songs and remember you playing those in your old black guitar. But this is how far I could get. I’d love to stay longer but I can’t.

Now I could no longer have the privilege to know you more deeply and personally but rest assured that I am always going to be here when you couldn’t sleep and you run out of people to go to. I want to assure you of a better tomorrow waiting for you. But now you should turn off the lights, put your phone down, and go to sleep.