This Would Be Life Without Closure

Many people fear the concept of closure as to how they fear the painful pang of heartbreaks or goodbyes. Closure makes us feel like it is the end. Surely, it will make us feel easy because we know that at least and somehow we have answered questions and cured problems. It makes us feel relieved at first but we’ll definitely feel extremely empty after. Closure really does that to people. It ends problems and so relationships. It ends the agony of trying to work things out when it obviously could not anymore.

I believe it is in our nature to fool ourselves sometimes and twist the truth the way we want to see it. We could carry on the unclear thoughts and unanswered questions for weeks or months just so we can say to ourselves that we can save what we still have. We don’t want closure because we are afraid that when it comes and everything goes clearer, we might be scared of reality even more. We are afraid that when the time comes and we are free to speak the sincerity of our minds and of our hearts, we would not be able to confront the truth. And most probably, we are blindly afraid of losing something we never really had.

If there’s no closure, you will always look for answers you will most likely never find. You will constantly ask yourself questions that will keep you up at night. These questions are somehow aligned with the building up of new regrets and what-ifs, which in the first place should not even exist. You will die searching for answers and die twice because you wouldn’t find any. 
If there’s no closure, you will constantly miss what have been. You will miss what was there, what should still be there and wonder where in the universe did this go. You will constantly miss the odd but wonderful feeling your past made you feel. You will blame the world and much worse, yourself, for something that nobody deserves to be blamed on. You will look for him in every single thing that flashes in front of you. He will haunt your sleep and appear in the books you read and the songs you listen to. He will be everywhere and I tell you it’s never going to help you. 
If you’re fortunate to get rid of him for at least a year or two without closure, that is wonderful. But I tell you: the mess is still a mess, you just left it untouched. He’s amazing. And that’s why he can still make his way to you. Who knows? Maybe one day, he will show up in front of you on your birthday. He will hand you his effortlessly wonderful gift and you will be surprised and ask yourself “What in the world happened and you are here?”

He will knock on your doors and ask how you have been. He will slowly come back and find his way to your life. And guess what? You will be in a more intricate and more serious and more complicated dilemma, in which you only find yourself in it (cause it seems like he never really suffered in the moving on phase like you).
You will be the only one left wondering how he has been. You will be the only one putting together the puzzle pieces in search for the events that happened between the day he got away and the day he showed up again. You will be the only one finding out the answers again from the questions you have silently shut down in your head ever since the day you decided to slip it out of your hands.  You will be the only one trying to understand the commotion inside him. And dear, you’re just going to end up suffering one more time. 
Without closure, you’re left in the losing end. Without closure, you’re putting yourself in another inferno one more time. No one can assure you what your life will be after closure. It still depends on how you stand up and pick up yourself. But I’m sure you’re going to be a better version of yourself, I can attest to that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


More From Thought Catalog