Like all relationships out there, we started to falter and we saw that coming. Our story started to be a blur and either one of us seemed to be fading away. We had fights like most people do but ours was different. It was a deafening silence that killed the both of us. A lot of things started to fall apart just like in the movies, slowly then all at once.
And so I gave you space.
I remember it was a Tuesday night when I saw you online. You weren’t the usual you. You used to leave a message in my inbox either asking how my day went or telling me about what happened to yours. You used to be on my timeline tweeting about your favourite tv series or lyrics from our favourite song. You used to be a message away but now your miles farther. You used to be sole provider of my big laughs and smiles. That Tuesday night became a Wednesday night, Thursday morning and a Friday midnight. That Tuesday night became weeks and months. That Tuesday night, I knew you’re gone.
I gave you space because I thought you needed it; I thought that was what you wanted. I gave you space to think, to breathe, and to live your life the way it was before I came. I gave you space to be you again. The you I used to know. The you I fell in love with. I gave you space because I wanted you to think of yourself and how messy things have been. I gave you space because that was the last thing I can do to save whatever there is to save.
I gave you space and now it’s more than the longest key on my keyboard. The space grew bigger until boulders of rock came through, oceans and seas started to form and now you’re out of my reach. I tried crossing through the barriers that separated the two of us but I cannot get through. I gave you space and now it’s over. You could be physically an inch from me right now but I know the person I grew up with is miles and miles and miles away from me. The you I knew is gone forever.
Now, I see you’re back on your usual game. You’re back in tweeting song lyrics of songs which I never heard. You’re back in watching movies and series without ranting to me about this hot and crazy character. You’re back in telling the world how your day went. You’re back giving people big smiles and laughs. You’re back to the usual you. You’re back but not to me.
The space between allowed my mind to came across with the fact that you were never mine to begin with. You were never completely sure of me and you were never ready to give yourself to anybody. You were blatant in telling that you give so much for the person you love. But I knew you better. I know that you were never really ready to lose yourself.
Then, it was a Tuesday night when all the puzzle pieces were starting to put together. The space I thought I gave you was the same space we had from the beginning.