Thought Catalog

Attention Men: This Is Why Women Keep Leaving You To Date Other Women

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Jordan Donaldson

Dear Male Species,

I know sometimes it’s hard for the male ego to accept that an attractive woman has no interest in heterosexual relations. That it’s not just a phase. That even formerly straight women have ventured into no man’s land, and decided they liked it here better. It does happen. The mentality that “you just haven’t had the right man yet” is exactly what’s alienating your women in the other direction.  

When did it become more of a standard for dykes like me to treat women more like ladies and act more like gentlemen than actual men do? I notice a really annoying trend in not just taking your relationships for granted, but just not giving a woman those simple courtesies. In an age where we’re fighting to not label ourselves with gender roles and everyone wants to be considered equal to one another, I’m sorry but there’s just no excuses. If you’re a man, fucking act like one.

I’m a woman, that happens to love women. I hold no desire to ever be a man. But if I’m treating women with more chivalry you are, you just “ain’t shit.” Hold the door, offer your chair, help with the groceries. Got a woman that works long hours? Don’t make her clean up after your mess. Take out the trash. Let her come home and relax more than just once in a while. Why is this such a habit for so many men? Am I old fashioned and “traditional,” even for a lesbian? These things used to be considered classless and unsophisticated. Other men looked down on you like you were unrefined, inadequate when your courtesies were less than worldly. Somehow along the generations that obviously was put to the side and it became a trend of just not showing appreciation and respect. Why are you with someone you don’t respect?

Here’s why: your women are settling. Their low self esteem is giving you opportunity to treat them like shit and act like complete douchebags, and you’re taking them up on the offer. Which, why not? Why put the effort into a healthy relationship when we can have our Playstation and a woman who’s terrified of being alone so she cleans up after our mess when she gets off of work?  Is that how you envision yourselves as kings?

I’m not one to waste my time with someone that doesn’t fit into the picture I’ve painted for my future. That includes not just relationship goals but my goals PERIOD. The average young professional is working long hours to get ahead, no one has the time to come home and be your parent. Let’s face it, there’s no bigger turn off than having to mother a grown man. To have to tell them time and again that your needs in your relationship aren’t being met, and then to have to get up and wash their dishes and do their dirty laundry.

I suppose chivalry is dead. Or people just got lazy. When I was venting about this to a friend, I realized, wow, I can start counting how many of my guy friends act like this. Start out flowers and dinner and opening every door, only to evolve into being on the couch, fat, not lifting a finger to so much as vacuum the living room. Then I wondered why the hell anyone puts up with settling, if the end goal of domesticated bliss is just being miserable and fighting over money and chores and lack of the right attention.

Don’t let me tell you how to treat your women, though. Because of men like you, I’ve dated more “straight” women than actual lesbians. You can keep scratching your heads and wonder why they’ve decided to explore something with another female, or you can stop pushing them to do so. Which of course, is just fine by me. TC mark 

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