The College Freshman
You’re most likely to find this type of Spring Breaker in destinations where the drinking age is 18. It is probably their first real vacation away from their families, and so these spring breakers really let loose and party a little too hard. You’re most likely to find them making out with strangers in a Senor Frogs, but you may also find them head first in a trash can, or flashing strangers to audition for a Gone Wild film.
The Seasoned Pros
You’ll see them by the pool sitting fruity cocktails and reading their Vogue as if Spring Break is so passe. These are the college students who were born into trust funds and a weekend trip to Cabo for them is so commonplace you’ll swear they’re sleep-walking through their time in the sun.
They also may be college seniors who have been on cruises for the past four years and know exactly what the run down is. You may find them casually playing beer pong or simply out enjoying the sites. Spring Break seems like a final hurrah for them, but they’ve learned from the past three years that being beyond fucked up and a scorching sun equal the worst experience of their life, so they tend to keep it fairly tame.
The Family Tourists
You’ll spot these ones easily because usually they’ll have children attached to leashes disguised as puppy back packs. They’ll probably be wearing fanny packs and have their iPhones attached to their hands as they snap photos of banal things like a bike chained up outside of a bar. These spring breakers don’t come for the the cheap booze or the hot co-eds, they’re simply tourists who happened to not check college’s spring break calendars before booking their trips. These tourists are the ones most likely to judge your binge drinking and scantily clad bathing suits, so approach with caution.
THE Spring Breakers
Sprannnng Breaker Forever, ya’ll. But, really, you’ll recognize these Spring Breakers because they’ll probably be decked out in neon bikinis and be snorting coke off of each other’s tits. These are the vacationers who have been pent up for the past year and choose to take their aggression on their day to day lives out in a massive way. They may be pre-med or about to go into law school, no one can say for certain. You can, however, be certain that they’ll be having a bat-shit crazy time that hinges on illegal activity.
The Buzz Kill
This spring breaker could be laying on the most gorgeous beach in Malibu with their incredible friends and still be bored. This is the type of spring breaker who complains that their feet hurt, that they’re hungry, or that they’re tired every time they open their mouth. There is nothing to be done with this type of vacation partner except suggest that they stay at the hotel pool while you scurry off to find more exciting endeavors.
The Excursion Lover
Probably the most lively of the group, this vacationer will want to bring their friends on every nature hike, history tour, and pub crawl they can uncover. Although at times overwhelming with their enthusiasm, this spring breaker will be a blessing to the group because they’ll understand the value of experiencing all aspects of your party destination and not just which bars have the cheapest cocktails.
The K-O’d Partier
I thought about putting this fella in the college freshman category, but some freshmen are perfectly capable of pacing their drinking. This Spring Breaker will rarely be spotted because they’ll be too busy being glued to their toilet after one too many tequila body shots to experience their trip at all. **be warned, this spring breaker is known to get aggressively belligerent before throwing in the towel and vomiting on themselves**