1. When you decide to come out.
Some people come out of the womb proud of whom they are. I have friends who came out in sixth grade, far before I was self-aware enough to know what I was into besides Pokémon. There are those, like myself, who take years and years to come out of the closet. Some people don’t come out until they’re graying and settled into a life that doesn’t seem to fit them anyone. There is no cut-off age for coming out of the closet. You don’t get more klout as a gay men the longer you’ve been out, so we all need to be understanding no matter when people choose to start being honest with themselves.
2. Whether you’re “Straight Acting” or “Fem.”
Since coming out, a phrase I hear tossed around is, “straight acting.” Apparently this is a highly desirable trait to possess in the gay community because you can drink beers at the bar with your boyfriend, and no one will know you go home to polish each other’s knobs afterwards. Whether you love football or put makeup on every day- if you’re a dude who fucks dudes and identifies as gay- you’re gay. Gay men are shamed for how gay they may or may not act as if someone is secretly keeping score. Being “straight acting” or “feminine” is reinforcing old gender-role stereotypes and spreading this idea that one is better than the other.
3. Not being fashionable.
For most of my life, I would only wear gym shorts and slick my hair back so that it always looked wet. Since then, I’ve developed some sort of fashion sense that most would describe as cat-lady meets deranged kindergartener. I have acquaintances that always ask for my opinion on their outfits, and then are disappointed when I admit to them that I know little to nothing about fashion. Sorry, babes, contrary to popular belief not all gay men are born sentient in all things fashionable and chic.
4. Sleeping with women.
Not sure why, but some gay men recoil in fear when I admit that I have been with women before. Some people have different sexual journeys that include sampling everything that is out there is to offer. Vaginas really aren’t gross, so that should stop freaking gay men out more than Michelle Bachman. And to the people who use the term “gold star gay,” to describe gay men who have never sexually touched a woman. Enjoy your prize, whatever the hell that may be.
5. Having a Grindr.
6. Not having a Grindr.
7. Not being gung-ho on gay marriage.
It may sound crazy, but not every gay person is infuriated at the idea of not being able to get married. Sure, they want everyone else to have the option, but they won’t be running for the altars when the time comes. Further more, if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage don’t rag on other couples that want that for themselves.
8. What role you are in the bedroom.
I once had a boy tell me after our first date that, “It wouldn’t work between us, you seem like a bottom and so am I.” You can never ever tell someone’s role in the bedroom just by looking at them If you tell me I’m a bottom because I’m shorter than the average man, I probably want to fuck you just to prove a point. Also, if you’re a strict top, that is awesome, go for it! Some of the most masculine men I know love to be submissive when it comes time to do the deed. Don’t let anyone make you feel like anything less than sexy because of what you do behind closed doors. That shit ain’t cute.
9. Not being concerned with having a 6-pack.
If I want to eat this entire pizza and milk shake, don’t shame me with your eyes or remind me of how many crunches i’ll need to do to keep my body in tip-top-twink form. No gay man should be shamed for not wanting to look like an underwear model because that looks like a lot of work.