Celebrity sex tapes are rarely sexy, but they are ridiculously hilarious. So why not gather a few pals and remind yourself of celebrities like Kim Kardashian’s more humble roots?
*To follow all of these rules in the course of a single night may be dangerous; would not recommend*
Take A Sip When
- The celebrity’s face is in full view or there is full frontal.
- The sex is intercut with mundane scenes like Pamela Anderson driving in a car with Tommy Lee or Colin Firth’s cat.
- The camera shakes so violently you wonder if you’re turned on or motion sick.
- Every time the camera switches to night-time vision.
- The celebrity’s name is moaned
- There is a close up shot of a celebrities face and it’s a super unflattering angle and for a moment wonder if you’re watching a Gene Simmons, or Jabba The Hut.
- they switch between missionary and doggie style, reminding you their sex lives are just as boring as yours.
- Someone in your group laughs/ snorts/ recoils in fear.
- Someone wonders out loud how Screech was able to pull two ladies for his sex tape and you can’t help but think, “well, he’s fucking Screech, duh.”
- You watch Hulk Hogans sex tape and switch between feeling bad that he was secretly filmed, and being concerned about whether or not you’re about to watch a man die from oxygen deprivation.
- When you watch the Collin Farrell sex tape and remember it was probably filmed around the same time Daredevil was and that part of your childhood has been tainted.
- When you wonder how Rob Lowe is not in jail for his sex tape…
Finish Your Drink When:
- You imagine the cries of the star’s parents and PR reps when the tape first leaked.
- Someone suggests putting on Verne Troyer’s (from Austin Powers) sex tape.
- Someone in your group wonders out loud when (insert any celebrities name here)’s sex tape will leak.
- They get creative and do something like the Clevland Steamer or a Hot Carl.
- The cumshot happens
- The video ends and you wonder what your life has become to bring you to sit around and watch celebrities get exploited while you drank Bud-Lite and Pinnacle Whip Cream vodka.
*Any player who says “That’s hot” while watching One Night In Paris must immediately consume three shots and then promptly go sit in a fucking corner.