1. The Gay Homophobe (Yes, They’re Real)
This is the guy who thinks it’s okay to casually call everyone they dislike a “faggot” or scoff when someone talks about wanting to try drag or wear makeup. This is the guy who secretly can’t stand the idea that they’re gay and insists on dragging every other gay man down around them into a pit of self-doubt and fear.
2. The Gay Who Says “If I Wanted To Date A Girl I Would”
This gay guy loves masculinity so much that he doesn’t want anything to do with gay guys who are even slightly effeminate. This means no drag queens, no sissies, just straight up BEEF. Why? Because if he wanted to date a girl he would, of course!
3. The Gay Guy Who Doesn’t Know When He’s Being Racist
Every single gay guy who has ever stated a racial preference, especially if that same gay dude loves Beyoncé and goes in for Rihanna but he will not date a black guy under any circumstances. What makes it worse though is when people are all, “Well I’m not attracted to women so if I’m not attracted to Asian guys it’s the same thing.” Actually though? No it isn’t. There’s nothing in biology that programs people to be attracted to one race over another. It’s all cultural.
4. The “I Have A Sassy Black Woman Inside Of Me” Gay
Oh for real?
5. The Vapid Gay
This gay uses Facebook groups like “Gorgeous, Gay, and 20-something” (which is real) to connect with other gays to feel less alone. Most of the men in these groups only do it to make their sexual exploits very public. They tote about not being sure whether to go to a bukkake or snuggle with their boyfriend. They take surveys as to who is a bottom and who is a top and take every possible chance they get to post shirtless pictures of themselves for reassurance that they’re still hot and “with it.”
6. The Bottom-Shaming Gay
The gay guys who bottom-shame all the bottoms. They are always all, “You’re such a bottom!” Yes, thank you. But what does that mean? Like bro, just because you’re a top with a nice cock and you like to put it inside of people, that doesn’t mean you’re more masculine or “the boy” or that a bottom can’t fuck you if he wants to.
7. The Gay Who Can’t Decide Between Promiscuity Or A Boyfriend
A gay who has an inability to decide between sexual freedom and long-term commitment. Do what you want with your own body and sexual life. However, if you’re looking for a long-term committed relationship, you may need to make peace with the fact that you’re unable to sustain a completely healthy relationship with someone while contemplating getting gang-banged, lol. I’ve literally seen someone ask a group of their friends whether they should opt for a boyfriend or just a ton of dicks.
8. Every. Single. Self-Described “Straight-Acting” Gay
If someone can actually give me an answer as to what “straight acting” means that isn’t wrapped up in societal norms of sexuality then you will win all the awards. Nothing pisses me off more than someone calling me “fem” or “masc” and then using it as a dismissal. I could chop wood for a living with the deepest voice and no sense of style and still go home and plow my boyfriend because I’m gay.
9. The “Topless Tuesdays For Attention” Gay
This is the guy who works out constantly and plans their week around Tuesday just so they can post a shirtless gym selfie. They wait by their computer for the affirming “likes” and comments that they’re “so ripped” and “buff” and “sexy,” because they’re truly insecure about their bodies. There is nothing wrong with being proud of the way you look, but these guys take it to the next level by toting their body around like it’s the only thing giving them worth.
10. The Ones Who “Embellish” Their Dick Size
Either they lie about their real size or they take a picture in such a way that it always looks big. Why do guys like this even bother? Do they think we’re unable to tell the difference between someone who is 6 inches and someone who is 8? These guys just end up looking like liars who equate penis size with dateability. When looking for love we should be looking for someone to eat cookies and binge watch The Face in bed with us, not a giant cock.
11. Gay Men Who Have A Superiority Complex
Believe it or not there are a lot of gay guys out there who think that just because they’re educated, rich or attractive that that automatically makes them better than all other gay men. Like, are gay guys automatically primed to hate one another right on the spot? A bitchy gay guy is the one who waits by the bathroom at a gay club to tell their fellow clubbers things like, “Honey, you’re beautiful but never wear another tank top.” They look for things to pick apart other gay men.
12. The “Gold Star” Gay
The men who think they deserve a special prize for never having touched a vagina need to get it together. Especially the ones who think they’re extra special for having being delivered via C-section and therefore have literally never been in contact with a woman’s lady parts, wow.