18 Hilarious Tweet Roundup For You To Laugh At Today

By Shauna Robinson

[pigeon writing in diary]
UGH TODAY SUCKS
[hansel & gretel walk by leaving trail of bread crumbs]
[feverishly pulls out eraser]

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) November 24, 2014

*gives you dictionary for your birthday*

wow.. i don't know what to say

"that's why i bought it for you"

— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) April 1, 2014

[aircraft carrier]

*paints a T on the helipad*

Captain: No it has to have an H

Me: Why?

*train sounds approaching*

Captain: Oh dear god

— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) November 15, 2014

“I’ll have a rum and coke”
Is pepsi ok?
“Sure whatever”
*hands you a pepsi and coke*

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) November 24, 2014

How do you expect to raise a child when you can't even raise the roof, Martha

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) July 27, 2014

https://twitter.com/NicestHippo/status/501191859394605056

Grandma, if I came here to answer questions I would have worn my 'question answering shirt' but I'm wearing my 'Popsicle eating' shirt. Move

— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) November 12, 2014

[looks over neighbour's fence while he's in the pool]
"Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days."

— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 27, 2014

Orange juice with pulp? What is this, Fear Factor?

— Maebe Marbles (@maebemarbles) July 20, 2014

[cooking eggs over easy]
So excited for these over easy eggs
*punctures yolk*
Scrambled eggs it is

— luke [from online] (@internetluke) December 6, 2014

*clerk puts up 50% off cargo shorts sign*
*ground rumbles*
*manager runs out*
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
*dads crash thru wall with Discover cards*

— Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, IQ 188 (@BuckyIsotope) November 25, 2014

https://twitter.com/SaulKewl/status/493468350941388801

[group of dads enters curtain store]
Hi can I help you?
[in unison]
I CURTAINLY HOPE SO
[nonstop laughter & high 5s for next 45 mins]

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) December 1, 2014

First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.

— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) November 8, 2014

https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/398925524350672898

https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/441345411479924736

https://twitter.com/gato_fumando/status/520339579090784257

When a hunk doesn't get back to you pic.twitter.com/uyi4nl1RJo

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 12, 2014