What should I get gf for Christmas? She's allergic to beef so don't suggest hot injections.
— ernesto luckmán (@ErnieLies) December 12, 2014
Change all the nouns in Christmas Carols to Fucktard The children will love it. Think of the children.
— John Lurie (@lurie_john) December 6, 2014
i consider my presence a present. merry christmas everyone
— Alan Garner (@AIanHangover) December 12, 2014
I swear Michael Buble just hibernates until Christmas time
— Danny✌️ (@dannyy_kellyy) December 12, 2014
Mariah Carey has literally never contributed anything to society except her rendition of All I Want For Christmas
— grace so based (@Gracecamille_) December 9, 2014
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) — a monster-child raised by 2 moms robs a town of its possessions. 105 min.
— sadvil (@crylenol) December 12, 2014
"mom this turkey is some goood shit" "JIMMY I WILL NOT TOLERATE IRONY AT CHRISTMAS" … "these bad potatoes are actually good"
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 12, 2014
SPACE COMMANDER: instant translator enabled BIG BABYMAN: I hate Christmas music TRANSLATOR: I hate myself for fucking LOVING Christmas music
— Dave Dittell (@davedittell) December 11, 2014
[getting blackmailed] "I'll show everyone this pic of you in your wife's uggs" bastard, I only wore those to turn on the christmas lights
— Brent (@murrman5) December 11, 2014
Glad we kept christ in Christmas this year and didn't just call it mas
— The Roast Beast (@hamsandcastle) December 11, 2014
Christmas was always a terrifying time when I was growing up because my mom told me a clown delivered all the presents
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 11, 2014
I hate when kids snoop for their Christmas presents pic.twitter.com/SBli5m9st1
— Betsy Boo Bambo (@sistersome) December 10, 2014
the worst thing about christmas is Love Actually
— Jennifer (@FourEyedQueef) December 11, 2014
*door opens* "We wish you a Merry Christmas / *…fades into general sadness* *…anti-crescendos into Barb blowing her nose* And a Happy N
— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) December 11, 2014
the tradition of everyone gathering round the christmas boy to give me 600 dollars is being attacked by web grinches because i 'made it up'
— wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) December 11, 2014
top level mcdonalds executives have a full body nude mold made of themselves and on christmas they get a mcnugget body double delivered
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) December 11, 2014
if you describe yourself as a "foodie," I hope the only thing anybody gives you for Christmas is a $10 gift certificate to Red Lobster
— Rich Lowtax Kyanka (@lowtax) December 11, 2014
I bet Kanye West’s Christmas card is a picture of Christmas trees putting their presents under him while he’s covered in lights & ornaments.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) December 11, 2014
me: wow its WAY TOO EARLY to be playing christmas music. like stop jesus: cool ill remember that near your bday u piece of shit
— eric (@dubstep4dads) December 11, 2014
As Christmas nears remember to tip your hat to the most prolific figure of the holiday: the goatman at the Christmas Island top-level domain
— sreegs (@ahuj9) December 10, 2014
Santa, that fake person that we made up, is white. Sorry America. Stop the attack on Christmas.
— Osama Bin Lobster™ (@Cool_Gay_Dad) December 10, 2014
im the guy who won't sell the kid the shoes for his dying mom in the christmas shoes song
— Lyle Uglyman (@trash_sleeper) December 10, 2014