Being drunk in love is a feeling almost impossible to describe, yet so many of us have felt it. It’s that giddiness you feel after a date. It’s the butterflies in your stomach when you’re with them. It’s the rose-colored glasses you see them through. They are so perfect to you. You can see their flaws but those are perfect, too. You’re suddenly walking around in a daze with blurred vision from utter happiness.
Being drunk in love is when your heart skips a beat every time you see their name pop up on your phone with a text message. It’s walking around naked in front of them and being completely comfortable. It’s lying in bed talking about each other’s dreams, fears, thoughts and goals. It’s sex that’s so good without any crazy positions, toys or props; just your bodies together is utter ecstasy.
You’re so intoxicated with each other. You tell your friends (and each other) how it’s so different with this person. They are unlike anyone you’ve ever met. They’re so special, so unique. You’re moving too fast but neither of you care. You love each other, you’re together and you don’t want anyone else. Within a couple months you’ve integrated fully into each other’s lives and you absolutely love it. You’re drunk, you’re wasted, shit-faced, high, intoxicated. You just know that this feeling will never end, it will last forever and you will die in a blissful, blurry euphoria of each other’s love. Until it all comes crashing down.
You’re sober now, but you can taste that high. Oh god, you miss it. Suddenly you’re acutely aware of just how far you’ve fallen. You’ve integrated fully into each other’s lives. You now realize you need this person and that terrifies you. Don’t screw it up, don’t screw it up. So you try to keep that high going, you chase it like an addict who’s gone too long without a fix. Every time you check your phone and you don’t see their name with a new text message, your heart sinks. Where are they? What are they doing? You overanalyze every single thing they say or do. What did they mean by that? Why would they rather have alone time than be with you? Remember, when you were drunk in love together and all you wanted to do was talk about how much you loved each other?
You question everything. You wonder how the other person feels even though they tell you on the daily. You’re suspicious. But you try to remain calm and cool. Don’t want to seem needy, demanding or controlling. Don’t want to rock the boat. Keep everything good, keep it going, and that high has to come back, right? It doesn’t work. You’re not happy anymore. You want more from this person but they simply cannot give it to you. Their flaws don’t seem as perfect anymore. The sex doesn’t feel as good. People you haven’t seen in a while ask you how it’s going with that person and you don’t know how to answer. Good, you think? Is it?
Sometimes you want out, but you’re in it now. You l-o-v-e this person and you’re committed. You’re more determined than ever to prove that you can get that initial high back. Still, things they do or say bother you. Your future together becomes unclear. Then, as if reading your thoughts, but without any warning they end it with you.
Now you’re cut off completely cold turkey. The withdrawals are painful, more painful than you’ve ever experienced before. You remember that high, being drunk in love, and you want it back so bad. Don’t they want it back? Don’t they remember how it felt? You can’t just throw that away, it was so special and it can’t be over. But it is. And like an alcoholic going through the 12 Steps, you slowly start to recover one day at a time. You start rediscovering all the things that made you happy without them. You let go of that high you were chasing. In fact, you don’t want it back. Instead, you look back fondly at the time spent together and hope one day you can have some sort of relationship, even just friendship, together without being wasted.
You hope that now you’ve learned your lesson. That next time you get a taste of that high you keep your head. You remain coherent and reasonable, only getting buzzed enough to feel that warmth in your blood but without losing yourself in the process.