1. It’s normal to be nervous.
I was terrified the first time I went to a sex party. I was sweating behind the knees.
It’s OK to be nervous, and it’s normal to feel outside your element. A sex party can be a nerve-wracking experience. So let it be a little nerve wracking, and a little exciting.
2. Have one drink but no more.
Have a drink if it’ll help you relax, but you don’t want to be drunk or on drugs. A lot of people get way too intoxicated at sex parties, and it can get in the way of having fun.
Alcohol lowers your ability to make sound decisions, and you’ll need all the judgment you can muster. Also, you don’t want to be that drunk guy (or gal) that everyone tries to avoid.
3. Take it easy, the sex doesn’t happen immediately.
Sex parties often take a while to warm up. Don’t be surprised if it takes several hours before people start getting naked or having sex. The first few hours of a party are for mingling and flirting.
Do show up early and take this opportunity to introduce yourself to people you find attractive. It’s just like a regular party, except that eventually lots of people will be having sex. Yay for sex!
4. Practice saying no with tact.
Know that once you step into a sex party, people might invite you to join in activities that you might not be comfortable partaking in. Or sometimes you’ll be approached by people who aren’t particularly attractive to you.
If you have a hard time saying no, get some practice with a friend beforehand. Say something like, “I’m really flattered by the invitation, but I’m not interested. Or even simply saying, “No thank you.”
5. Practice inviting people to join you.
Sex parties are a great place to practice your communication around sex and consent. They’ll force you to use your words.
When you meet someone that catches your fancy, practice inviting them to join you in an activity. Perhaps you’d like to dance with them, or make out on the patio, or offer someone a massage. Muster the courage, and then ask: “Would you like a kiss or a massage? Would you like to dance with me?”
6. Handle rejection with kindness and grace.
When someone turns you down, thank them graciously.
“Thank you, have a lovely evening.”
It’s not personal; they’re just not interested in what you have to offer. Be kind and gracious to everyone and remember, just because someone said no now, doesn’t mean they won’t circle back around later and reconsider.
7. Respect other’s boundaries.
Respecting other’s boundaries and the rules of the party is paramount. Ask for consent in everything you do, and remember that a lack of response isn’t a “yes.”
Practice making specific request before the party, so you feel comfortable doing so during the party. These are all incredibly valuable tools which will enable you to get the most out of your first sex party.
Can I join you?
Can I touch you here?
Would you like me to continue?
8. Have no expectations.
Leave your expectations at the door. It’s OK to have a goal of what you’d like to experience but don’t let those goals rule your evening.
Stay open and let the evening unfold as it does. Letting go of your expectations will prevent you from being disappointed if you leave without having done what you wanted to do. Remember, there will be other sex parties!
9. Be safe.
Practice safe sex. Know your sexual health status. Get tested often.
If you have an STI and are contagious, consider waiting until the next party or keep your underwear on and be honest about status.
It’s entirely OK to say “I have genital herpes and just had a flare up. It’s gone now, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’m going to be keeping my underwear on, but I’m available for kissing and backrubs.”
Now you’re well prepared to make the most of it. And you should make the most of it. There are probably sexy people having sex with each other right now at some fantastic party!
Sex parties can be incredibly fun, and they can also be challenging and awkward. Make the most of it by trying something new, having no expectations, and being prepared to be turned on and delighted.