Hey you, how are you? It’s been a while since we had a conversation. You know I’ve been thinking up to this day, I still wonder if what would happen if we were together. What if we tried making our relationship serious? What if we took a leap of faith and worked things out? What if we end up liking each other and fell in love? What if?
But they’re all just what ifs, all made up in my head. Fantasies that may never be the reality.
I was almost the guy. The one who was almost more than just a random guy you met at a bar. The one who was almost good enough for your friends to meet. The one who was almost good enough to be boyfriend material. The guy who was almost good enough to be dating you.
I still can’t believe I was getting myself into an almost relationship with you.
It’s crazy how we got into this deep hole. It’s also crazy when I realized the things that I did, the things I sacrificed, the things I compromised and what’s even crazier, you didn’t even notice any of that.
I’m always going to be that guy who you go to when you’re bored. I’m always going to be that one guy who’d stay up late talking to you for hours because you wanted to talk, even though I’m no night owl. I’m always going to be the guy who’d you bring to random places and we’d call it adventures. I’m always going to be that guy who happily did things and went out of my way just for you. I’m always going to be that guy who texted you first thing in the morning and right before you went to sleep.
I’m the guy you almost, but never, dated.
But that almost relationship didn’t happen because you clearly just see me as that guy that “I’m not gonna date, but I’d hangout a lot and be super close with.” But I saw you beyond that.
I always saw you as girlfriend material, even from the start. I saw you as the girl I wanted to be with. The weird girl I could be crazy with. The girl who’d make me feel like more of a man than I am.
The girl who I could be myself around and not change because she accepts the whole me, weirdness and all. The girl that made me realize that I could still fall in love and the girl than made me feel I could be loved.
I wanted to save you from all the douchebags you’ve been with. I wanted to be the one to make your bad days into good ones. I wanted to be a part of your every day. I wanted to see what you see and feel what you feel.
But I guess you wanted someone and something else.
A situation that I’m no part of.
I guess I’m glad we didn’t try to be together. I’m genuinely happy that WE didn’t happen. Because liking you made me realize that I can’t put myself in a relationship where I do all the work, where I’m the only one making the effort, a relationship that I’m just a mere option.
In the end, I just truly hope we both find people who finally won’t be our almost.